On and On, Twice As Strong

Turn Around Bright Eyes

2011-11-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

Today I thought, ahh what the heck, why not work out. And to make my work out a little interesting at least, I decided to leave my mp3 in my ears to play on random mode, without changing the songs even if i really didn't feel like listening to a few in particular, letting each song play till the very end(cuz sometimes I'll change the song once the part I was waiting for was over, before it ends). I wanted to see from the whole random playlist, if the songs that randomly shuffled could sorta gimme' a sign or something of that sort, or tell me what to do. Because honestly, I haven't a fuckin' clue. I'm still trying to make sense of the arrangement my mp3 decided to play for me today, let's see how it goes. (Yes I listed everything in order.)

Together In Electric Dreams -Phil Oakley

Proud Mary -Glee Version(originally Tina Turner's version)

You Gotta Make It Happen -Oasis

Blah Blah Blah -Ke$ha

Something's Got A Hold On Me -Christina Aguilera

Ai No Corrida -Quincy Jones

Dancing Machine -Jackson 5

Don't Let Me Go -Click 5

Dirty Dancer -Enrique Iglesias

DJ Earworm Mix (Don't know which year but it's the one with the beat from Justin B's 'Baby')

Hush Hush/I Will Survive -The PussyCat Dolls

Shine On -George Duke

Express -Christina Aguilera

Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Glee Version(Originally by Bonnie Tyler)

Goodbye Goodnight -Her Majesty And The Wolves

Rock Steady -Aretha Franklin

Ain't No Way -Glee Version(Originally by Aretha Franklin)

Boogie Nights -Heatwave

Ebony & Ivory -Stevie Wonder & Paul McCartney

Impossible -Shontelle

Cut -Plumb

One -Adam Lambert

I Wish You Love -Dean James(A cover of mine, Natalie Cole's version)

Take It Off -Ke$ha

Stand By Me -Oasis

Bad Girls -Donna Summer

Never Say Never -Justin B

Ease On Down The Road -Michael Jackson & Diana Ross

Forget You -Glee Version(Originally by Cee Lo Green)

More -Usher(RedHot Mix I think)

No Surprise -Chris Daughtry

Wanna' Be Starting Something -Michael Jackson

And thats the whole list. I don't really know what to make of it but I'm guessing it just means no matter how much I try to run or hide, it's impossible for me to run or hide from myself.

Will you ever know my feelings for you?

All my love,

Uhh, If I only hadda brain :p

2011-10-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

Isle Esme

2011-10-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

Sweet Dream or a Beautiful Nightmare?

...Later, when I awoke in the dark, it was with shock. The dream had been so very real. . . so vivid, so sensory. . . . I gasped aloud, now, disoriented by the dark room. Only a second ago, it seemed, I had been under the brilliant sun.

"Bella?" Edward whispered, his arms tight around me, shaking me gently. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Oh," I gasped again. Just a dream. Not real. To my utter astonishment, tears overflowed from my eyes without warning, gushing down my face.

"Bella!" he said-louder, alarmed now. "What's wrong?" He wiped the tears from my hot cheeks with cold, frantic fingers, but others followed.

"It was only a dream." I couldn't contain the low sob that broke in my voice. The senseless tears were disturbing, but I couldn't get control of the staggering grief that gripped me. I wanted so badly for the dream to be real.

"It's ok, love, you're fine. I'm here." He rocked me back and forth, a little too fast to soothe. "Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real."

"Not a nightmare." I shook my head, scrubbing the back of my hand against my eyes. "It was a good dream." My voice broke again.

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, bewildered.

"Because I woke up," I wailed, wrapping my arms around his neck in a chokehold and sobbing into his throat. He laughed once at my logic, but the sound was tense with concern.

"Everything's all right, Bella. Take deep breaths."

"It was so real," I cried. "I wanted it to be real."

"Tell me about it," he urged. "Maybe that will help."

"We were on the beach. . . ." I trailed off, pulling back to with tear-filled eyes at his anxious angel's face, dim in the darkness. I stared at him broodingly as the unreasonable grief began to ebb.

"And?" he finally prompted.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes, torn. "Oh, Edward. . ."

"Tell me, Bella," he pleaded, eyes wild with worry at the pain in my voice.

But I couldn't. Instead I clutched my arms around his neck again and locked my mouth with his feverishly. It wasn't desire at all- it was need, acute to the point of pain. His response was instant but quickly followed by his rebuff.

He struggled with me as gently as he could in his surprise, holding me away, grasping my shoulders.

"No, Bella," he insisted, looking at me as if he was worried that I'd lost my mind.

My arms dropped, defeated, the bizarre tears spilling in fresh torrent down my face, a new sob rising in my throat.

He was right- I must be crazy. He stared at me with confused, anguished eyes.

"I'm s-s-s-orry," I mumbled.

But he pulled me to him then, hugging me tightly to his marble chest.

"I can't, Bella, I can't!" His moan was agonized.

"Please," I said, my plea muffled against his skin. "Please, Edward?"

I couldn't tell if he was moved by the tears trembling in my voice, or if his need was simply as unbearable in that moment as my own. But whatever the reason, he pulled my lips back to his, surrendering with a groan.

And we began where my dream had left off.'

From the book- "Breaking Dawn"

It's my 3rd time reading the book, just to recap a bit before Part 1 of the movie which will be screening in theatres really really soon. Can't wait! Actually, apart of me can wait.. haha! Know why?? Because it's getting closer to the end, which I'm dreading.. Oh well..

This short scene from the book I just stopped at today, I can say I guess I kinda know how Bella feels. The emotion, the fear, the pain... Yeahh.. But ofcourse I can only really put myself in those shoes until the part where she wakes up frantic-ish. And just till there. I've never been that lucky as to wake up from a nightmare with someone laying beside me, worse if it's a good dream which I don't wanna wake up from, waking up to no one is more agonizing. Or was more agonizing rather. Now I'm just used to it and when it happens, the combination of some awesome 'milk & a smoke' is my 'person to wake up to, to put me back to sleep! hahaha... But I do remember a time so dark when it bothered me so much that I'm mostly alone so much. And then it bugged me more that I was bothered about it and my mind would be in such a down spiral state. I'd take plunges and nose dives into bitter truths which never really killed me when I thought I was dying or wanted to. I'm all good the way it is now I guess. But then again, I can't help but wonder if picking up this book to read again was such a good idea. It can and may evoke or resurrect unwanted emotions of mine again that'll send me back into my own abyss which I've managed to find light here and there time to time over the years now, and it'll be all too familiar again, the darkness. Eh but I love the darkness la how?? haha.. I mean, the dark in general, not the kinda darkness I get sucked into. It's a little complicated to explain. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I can't really make sense sometimes of my attempted explanations but maybe whoever's reading this can and who knows maybe I'm lucky enough to be fully understood. I better end here for now before I start getting more confusing.. I better watch it too, else why the emotion in this entry right? Till my next entry...

Always,

I Know

2011-10-10T04:07:00.000-07:00

The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing there's someone in this crazy world for me. The way that people come & go through temporary lies, my chance could come & I might never know. I used to say no promises, let's keep it simple. That freedom only helps you say goodbye. Well it took awhile for me to learn that nothing comes for free, the price I've paid is high enough for me.

So here I am with pockets full of good intentions, but none of em' will comfort me tonight. I'm wide awake at 4am without a friend in sight. Hanging on a hoop, but I'm alright. (:

I know I need to be in love. I know I've wasted too much time. I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world & fool enough to think thats what I'll find.

I know goddamnit, I know.

Always,

Seems only dust comes outta my mouth

2011-10-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

You once used words like "Everyday"..."Always"...and so on. But just like 1, 2, 3, & 4, 3, 2, I too might've spoke too soon. And now I spend night after night, talking to the blady moon.

Yeah I may be a little more than Bruno tonight but come to think of it, I shouldn't have even said anything, let alone claim it in my mind. I shouldn't have expressed anything. But now that I have, I think I've totally jynxed everything. It sucks how things gotta fade. I miss the beginning. When we were mysteries. When I was nothing but an unknown possibility, keeping your interest. Always waiting to hear from you or to see you and when you'd come around, damn... fireworks internally and everything in me would be doing double time. What a thrill and what a rush it was back then not too long ago. I wouldn't mind if it would just freeze at that stage. Maybe forget the part bout wanting to get closer and always be there & whatever else, because I just spoil everything or mustav screwed up somewhere because in the end, it's either all bull or just too good to be true, too high a feeling to be allowed to keep going on. And thats the fuckin bitter truth.

Now it's either I let go of all of me or I die. Embrace 'happy never after' in order to maintain sanity. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Mother Nature & Cupid must be screwing each other. And they must be thinking how funny all this is. Well they're just lucky they're untraceable but if they were, boy oh boy would I show them whats 'funny'.

I guess I could be all about wrong place, wrong timing, wrong words, wrong body language and the list goes on. And I just may be eternally damned whatever the case may be. And I'll never be enough for anything and anyone. Like when you're in the dark & feeling impossibly alone, I'm right there, right under your nose, without any false or evil agenda but to just be there and STILL, claims are made and conclusions are jumped to that there's no one who cares, who loves, no one around. But I understand, I can't blame you or anyone. In times like these, no matter how much one may try to be there for someone or even express it, as long as the ones You want around are not there, your mind will definitely be elsewhere and the one who's there wanting to be around with you can go on and on and forget everyone else for you but its not gonna matter one bit. It'll only matter when that one ain't so 'around' anymore. Seems everyone holds on to those who they don't really matter to, seems more valuable because, "harder to get." What right do I have to point fingers though, I'm guilty of it too especially now aren't I?

This song, along with few others, has been screwing in my mind these past days. Though the words of it might not be exactly how everything's going, a rough picture is there. Eat you heart out DJ. Because thats all you're gonna be doing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpjkHQxEMd4

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back, I want you back
My neighbours think I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say I've gone mad
Yeah, I've gone mad
But they don't know what I know

Cause when the sun goes down
Someone's talking back
Yeah
They're talking back

At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool who sits alone
Talking to the moon

Ahh Ahh,
Ahh Ahh,

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away

Always,

xxx

Been crawling through a maze, an alcohol lemon haze. Watch me for days I might've been outta' sight, alright.. alright..

2011-09-20T01:05:00.000-07:00

Morphine.... much needed! Nuff said for now....

xoxo, DJ

Take me away

2011-09-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

As if I wasn't surfing through a shaky enough wave today, I blinked & it wasn't just a wave but a tsunami. My day didn't really take a plunging nose dive surprisingly, because of the beginning of a desperate attempt to start "numbing up" before reaching P.N.R. until I was awaken this evening in camp from my afternoon nap by loud beats to music. I woke up & decided it was already dinner time. Making my way to the pantry, true enough, the music got louder and I wasn't dreaming, sounded pretty good. HOWEVER! When I got there & the music the others were blasting became clearer, it was "state of trance" sort & the only lyrics throughout that whole song was a repetition of "I'm sorry baby, I'll never get over you...I'll never get over you". Sheesh! Just what I so needed to hear. Sigh... I really didn't need that today but oh well.. On a bittersweet note...

Seize upon that moment long ago

One breath away and there you will be

So young and carefree

Again you will see that place in time...

So gold

Steal away into that way back when

You thought that all would last forever
But like the weather

Nothing can ever...and be in time

Stay gold

But can it be

When we can see

So vividly a memory

And yes you say

So must the day too, fade away

And leave a ray of sun

So gold

Life is but a twinkling of an eye

Yet filled with sorrow and compassion though not imagined

All things that happen

Will age too old

Though gold

All my love,

xxx

Hand to hold, Hell to pay, or neither?

2011-09-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

Lookie what I found! A little something I wrote like less than a month ago which disappeared for awhile & just when I took a little break from trying to turn my room upside down in search of it, it was right under my blady nose all this while bolekechehhchess! There's more songs & poems I've sorta been working on in the past two weeks or so & all are pretty much bout the same thing but again, I'm still looking for the rest as some bits still need finishing. This' all I can post here for now. Oh well, here goes nothin. . .

How can I come clean

When I'm the only kind there's ever been, to feel like this about you

I don't wanna lose you or cause any kind of scene

These feelings I'm feeling ain't exactly the kind you'd be used to

Even so for me, you're the first like you I've ever seen, want & feel close to

How do I come clean

And not just say it to you that I love you

But yeah It's true, I'm also in love with you

Will it bug or creep you out

Your power over me, subconscious however so seductive & effortless no doubt

You may find this hard to take, I think

But oh how just the sight of Beautiful You can make me forget to breath & not even blink

Dangerously charming, all you've done & said had me smacked dizzy senseless from the start up till' now till' I can't think

Does it bug or creep you out

From you will I still get to enjoy the same infectious things

Once you're aware that you can melt me, thrill me, secure me & even make me wanna dance & sing

Yeah it's true too, I'm this in love with you

Fallen I have, so damn hard & as if not enough, so deep

Will this secret forever remain just mine or become both our's to keep

This thorn in my heart or this whirlpool of emotions

Can I survive being set free from this, or from this world will I need to bid farewell to devotion

But I feel it ain't fair that I be too quick to judge you or your reaction

I figured since we're gonna be forever great friends either way, it's best to come clean & no I won't 'action'

After all, you'll always be a priceless & timeless & precious gem in my eyes

To keep you forever, I'm ready if I've to suffer whatever the price

Now after much thought, because I love you, should I come clean?

I think I've decided & I've faith you'll at least still love me the way it's always been

Yeah! No more secrets, it eats me up inside to have to keep stuff from you

Much more than it does to see another in your arms or the eternal curiosity of.....nahh I can't say it.

And now I brace myself as you're about to find out real soon

That it's too late for me already my darling

I love you & I'm in love with you

I pray I won't regret this my darling

In the hope that neither will you

All my love,

xxx

A Bird's Eye View & Forbidden Love

2011-08-31T05:24:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile since the last one but eventhough I don't like facing myself, I still find myself coming back here so whatever.. & moving on to this post. Overdue post, actually.

Well, some say love is a river... Some say it's a silly love song. Some say love is all around us; it lifts us up where we belong. Some say love is hearing laughter in the rain. But in my world,Love is pain.

If I remember correctly, 2010 was a year most just wanted over asap, for many reasons. In the hope that 2011 would be more kind at least. Many got what they hoped and dreamed for in the end, but since when do I fall into that category? No difficulty in guessing for that. Come to think of it, how silly of me to even hope 2011 was gonna be smoother both physically and mostly mentally? I'd never expect fairytale endings but it seems it is even too much to be granted the chance and ability to smile real smiles even for more than a few moments, even when I'm fooled and wanna believe its real. And instead, I also brought nonsense from 2010 into a bit of 2011 with me, only doubling or maybe even tripling this mess. And I'm all to blame.

As much I wanna jump straight to typing about the most current, I feel I should 'save the best for last'. You're the longest to describe about anyway. Y'now, I thought I was done with all this. This falling & taking so long to get back up & then falling again, just when I thought I'd argued enough with myself and got stronger. Damn.. How wrong I was. Will I ever change? I've got to.. How? I'm still figuring things out. Yeah, STILL. My goodness..

Let's start with a very very cold you. One of my inner highlights from 2010 who also followed into part of 2011. Yes you do still come back to haunt me but you don't get me like you used to anymore. And you will never have me again like you did. My love for you was somewhat silent despite seeing you alot, yet so painful because of the silence and all I could do was watch you and looking forward to seeing you, without you knowing the extent of things. You drove me crazy by simply texting, you can't imagine how my heart raced when we were face to face. And I think you were aware of your subconscious power over me after awhile but you didn't have as much guts as I did with expressing. I know you knew your feelings were there but once it hit you, you ran, occasionally tugging on me to come along but for the wrong reasons. And blindly, I remained ecstatic whenever I heard from you, not caring what you asked of me. It frightened you, how you and I felt and you couldn't accept it because it's never been the case, how close you started to feel and after the last September night you spent at my place, you changed over night, distancing, thinking it be easy for me to let go too but I went spiraling downward. Now you only come around when you need something from me and just early this year when I realized how much I was taken advantage of, abused and humiliated, now I tell you, you've lost me, and I hope it's for good because I'm not confident how I'll be able to withstand seeing you again. Thats why I haven't been 'around'. But it took awhile to shake you off, I'm so over you in that way. You've nothing to fear.

Then there's also a very-far-away you. Two far away you's actually but one I don't need to mention about because we're way passed initiation already and its been over 5 years of staying just good friends.. Also another case of "we just can't". So yeah, the more recent 'far away' you. I wouldn't be too confident just yet if I were you because you may think it'd be so damn easy to play the fool with me from wherever you are but I'll have you know that I've tasted rougher salt before you and for the record, there is another who has my heart but just doesn't know it, and can't know it. Or maybe not yet but y'know what I mean. Don't think you have me in the palm of your hand because it's still so damn far from that, you're just lucky you're so fine but thats it. Sorry, but you're currently the easiest to let go of if I have to(but it's not easy to say this).

And ofcourse... Last but not least.. Now there's you. And the pain came sometime ago already. Unlike others, you didn't take or even need much time or effort to hit me like a wrecking ball. You just did.. And when I realized.. The time I left your sight before seeing you again, was when I started to trip before the fall. Come to think of it, it was this very spot I'm sitting in right now, that I was online chatting with you sometime in very early May, that I started to feel something but I could still question myself and have some sense of control and strength back then, despite your infectious ways, even just through typing. So I let that slide for a bit till another night about passed halfway into May already, you made me feel so wanted around, so pampered and there was nothin but sweetness and sex that came out of your mouth, in your own outrageously cheeky but harmless way ofcourse but that hit me first and since I went to bed that night, you're the first I picture, smile and think of each time I wake up. And when dreams of you came about, I never wanted to wake up from them. At all. And all it took was the warmth and touch of your hug and your meaningless peck on my cheek the very next time I saw you that set me shooting to the stars and I thought I was gonna pass out. By the end of that night after watching you(which was all i could do), I was like "ohh shit, this can't be happening.." to myself and since then, you still make me dizzy without knowing. And you don't even have to do anything but just be there, and I'd lose my breath for awhile. Sounds crazy I know but thats the bitter truth. All I can do is watch and just be thankful for the little things you do and your little ways of causing major jolts and zaps in me, eventhough you don't mean anything or don't even know it. And I can't ever tell you either because I'd lose you for good. It is painful to be around you knowing I can never have you that way, but you're that much worth keeping and I'd suffer any amount upon me, as long as I don't lose you. I can't lose you, it would prolly land me in a place that requires me to be chained up. And for that, I'm lucky for the close ones I have to keep me sane even when i'm right on the verge.

Everything about you draws me. You don't have much self-esteem but know that whenever I compliment you and tell you certain things, it also hurts when you don't wanna believe me or think that I'm just merely saying for the sake of saying. But I mean every bit of it. I don't even have to see you for you to get my heart racing at 90 milesperhour. The thought of you is enough. And the little things you say and do, it might be just you to take things as a joke just because its me but oh hell.. you don't know how much or how hard it hits me and I have to contain it all so I don't blow or screw things up. Recently, there have been texting episodes where I've come so close to outting it to you but thank goodness I haven't. I won't be that selfish la basket. I seriously can't and have to be careful with all my might to do so. I might as well hang myself if I decide to. And you would be so freaked and mad at me for all this while. And even so, you've got so much other complications to deal with. You're in love with someone else, you want someone else, and that someone else also you can't have or tell how you feel, and I will not put anymore on your shoulders(another reason you don't need to know how I've been feeling). I'll just be there. Cuz your happiness is now my happiness I guess. And we've so much more in common as we learn of each other along the way. She was right about you.

When you're right beside me, when you're talking right to me, when you compliment me, when you hug me goodbye, the pain that builds in my chest along with the other feelings is just madness but how torturous it may get to just watch you when I can't have you, I can't say anything. I can never tell you, because I do. I can never tell you how I really feel because.. I love you.

Forbidden Love

I always look forward to seeing you and from the time we have to part and say goodbye until we meet again, I miss you like crazy. Even during the moments we're together, when you're right in front of me I'm already missing you, anticipating the heat of the pain of the goodbye to come. And I know I've told you this before. *Yikes!*

I wonder if you know, if you can see it or maybe even feel it. But I'm still in an inner argument with myself again and again on whether i should start distancing and see if the feelings would die but, I don't have the strenght to stay away from you. I just gotta deal with it. But however this is going, even if you were to ever hate me if you found out, I still and will always love you and can never forget you, even If I wanted to...

So as you can see, all these 'you's...'Love', you kinda suck :(

And this is A Bird's Eye View. Being... My view. I'll never really be much included in anything, but I'm forced to be watching whether near or far.

With all my love, DJ
xoxo

The forbidden fruit always tastes the best and has you forever longing. And as I've silently mentioned to myself before, "if all you wanted was me, i'd give you nothing less."

Gonna' be the boy the devil goes "Oh crap!" about when my feet touch the ground each morn .

2010-11-23T23:55:00.000-08:00

Had a really bad day or been havin' bad days and times? Feelin' like you're about to lose it and all ya' wanna' do or feel ya' can do is stoop into a corner nearby and cry your eyes & heart out? Like everythin's spiraling downwards & ya find yaself inches away from just wanting to give up? Well, to all my faithful readers(some I may have lost because of my update patterns, sorry) or even those of you visiting my blog for the first time, here's a little somethin' that I think would brighten and cheer you up.(:

Whatever it is or was that was messin' up your mood or day or time, be it if you're hurtin' over someone or somethin' or even a situation, however bad a time or day it is, believe it or not, there IS still good that we can make of that day of our's, not what the day can make of us. Wait... Don't know if that came out right but.... ahh yeah ya know what I mean..(: Yeah, you know, these feelings, be it of your past, someone you love, or a family member or dealing with depression & emptiness or being forced to do things you dread.. I certainly am not afraid to admit or say that I definitely have not been through the most perfect of situations too & yeah it is a rough ride. These feelings of loss or hurt or whatever it is thats playin' in ya mind or makin' ya day bad, know this; Don't let your hurts of yesterday, ruin your hopes for tomorrow. Now some of y'all might be thinkin', "what gives you the right to say that?", right? But you know, all of us here feelin' for this entry right here do have a right to. .(: Just one of the many examples out there- Say time & time again you don't get a reply when you text someone. Be it someone you love, someone you're into, or even just a friend, it does bother you, whichever. And you wonder & wander. And it may even get you for the whole damn day too no matter what ya do, until you become like all "Are you on a freakin' witness protection programme or should I turn on the Batman signal light?" but you know what, maybe sometimes we don't really stop to think or notice just how good things can be, or we can be, or whats even good. There is still the best out there that we can find in a day. Or better yet, things might just happen. (:

Like the other day, I was alone as usual, just walkin' around in town & from Far East to Ion or wherever, I was all like "Ohh is my dad gonna' be alright?, Will he be outta' the Intensive Care Unit?, Will things between my mom & I get better?, Why isn't my friend callin' me back or replyin' my texts?, Why am I gettin' worried?, D'i say somethin' wrong?, Why's there no one around?", & everything was just cloudin' my thoughts and pilin' up & I was really havin' a shit day. My usual Honey Milk Tea with extra pearls just didn't taste right & didn't give me that sensation it does like Sex On The Beach or Vodka Cran or Redbull. Even the songs playin' on my mp3 in shuffle mode were just shootin' & out to get at me from all directions, my usually lovely Snickers chocolate bar didn't do it for me either. I thought I would barf anytime. So as my day & time 'lone-walkin' in town seemed to be gettin' from bad to worse, I wanted a Slurpee from 7 11.(Cola Flav, if y'all wanna know, mmmm yummayy). So I found & went into a 7 11 store & went to those Slurpee machines. Bloody Blur as I am, I placed a Slurpee cup underneath a Slurpee dispenser without knowing that the Slurpee wasn't ready for dispensing. It was still 'spin freezin' the Slurpee stuff. I went ahead with it anyway, out came a disgusting liquid 'so-not-ready' Slurpee and that just did it for the day. My shoulders slumped even more, I sighed while slowly lookin' around to check if anyone saw that. How embarrassin' & annoyin' right. I wanted to just shout or hit somethin' so badly until a little doll-like girl tugged on the side of my jeans. I turned to face her as she said with her voice high like melodic bells or chimes, "Excuse me, take this. That machine is nonsense." She then handed me a cup of 'ready to brain freeze' Cola Slurpee that she got from another machine. She also took my cup of disgusting liquid Slurpee & hid it at the side of the 'nonsense' machine for me so I wouldn't have to pay for two Slurpees. And all I could utter was a "Thank you", before she smiled and skipped off somewhere. Like she knew bout my day. Then somethin' sorta happened, & no matter how I tried to fight it or hold it, I felt a hint of a smile curling at the side of my lips. Turns out, that day wasn't such a shit day. My friend replied my texts in the end, my dad's slowly gettin' better, I heard from Marco, I think the heat between my mom & I might be slowly coolin' down too and I didn't need to distract myself from nonsense keepin' me from bein' able to sleep that night too.

Invite positivity & it will come to the party. (: Don't even need R.S.V.P. That you can be sure of, if you let it. Don't let yourself be held prisoner to the sadness & despair or whatever's causin' the crap of the day, or days, or week, etc. Embrace that it's just gonna' make you stronger & better. Just like how some of the most exquisite & the most sparkly diamonds are created through lotsa that mad heat & compression & squeezing & pressure. And just like my brother was tellin' me the other day, it's time to "Wake Up and Smell The Roses!" Fuck those who don't give two fucks about you & welcome the peeps who actually help you live. Some of you might be wanting to say "easier said than done", I know. Because I feel that way too. But you know what, there's no harm tryin' things differently, or even takin' chances. No one assured that Life would be easy, but they promised it would be worth it. Remember You are worth it.

I hope that I've managed to make y'all feel at least a little better & more hopeful after this entry of mine. But if I haven't, then here's an awesome video that WILL make it better. A good friend of mind, Oreal, once showed me this video & I'd like to share it with y'all too in the hope of cheerin' you up.

Pass on the energy, hope & happiness & you'll be surprised how it boomerangs right back at'chya. Don't ever give up, for you are the reason to keep yourself goin' (:
Oh & guess what.. TOMORROW'S A NEW DAY Y'All! Hollaaaa

Kandee Johnson rocks! Watch & Listen carefully.

Till my next entry. . .
Stay linked, for I'll most likely be talkin' bout a way how to get over stuff, and I might just let ya in on how I do it too (: I'm workin on a new cover song too, stay tuned. Also feel free to comment back on this post or even if you'd like to share stuff or ask anything, you can find me on Facebook(http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/DeanEffingJames) or leave a comment or FormSpring me at http://www.formspring.me/DeanEffingJames or anything.
Ta for now (:

Familiar? Impossible? Masochistic? I keep running smack into a wall

2010-11-15T23:45:00.000-08:00

Come back when you can

Looks like I'M all I can be sure I've got right here.

The amount of thoughts in my mind now is madness. There's so much to say, so much I wish I could say, but when the time comes, I mostly come up blank at first, or they're stuff I really just can't say, so we'll see how this entry lengthens.

You.
Why is it so hard for me to just let go? Why? I normally 'numb up' after sometime when I realize or at least think it's one-sided, but no matter how much pain and hurt it causes me, I still find myself hangin' on, to You. Hopelessly devoted no matter what you do or don't do. How much time i spend tryin' to heal and not think so much, it doesn't even take as much, to send me crashin' back down again. I guess there's just no gettin' over you. I don't even wanna take a damn breath without you. Like today, I fell smack again. The waves just came over without warning like before, and I lost myself deep, thrashed all over as I drowned. Again. I sat all day, even up till' now in camp, just cryin' and cryin' and cryin' whilst staring into space, with all images of you flashing across my thoughts, the smoke from my cigarettes dancin' in slow-mo, only causing even more tears to flow out hot as my eyes burn. Why does it hurt so much when I'm not with you? It's not like we don't meet, we do, though only time to time which I still treasure no matter what we do, but when it comes to the time when I or you have to leave, that having to say or hear that goodbye till we see each other again like sorta re-entangles the extremely uncomfortable knots in my chest and it just builds and painfully tightens day by day until I hear from or see you again. Which I normally always have alot of torturous waiting to do for that. I hate leaving you, alone especially. Why? And the waiting is hell. Why?

Missing you already. Actually all the time.

One of the worse things is I don't even know if you know about your subconcious power over me, or if you choose not to. Sure, you may appear strong on the outside, but you forget that I know You now. I even see through you if intuition hasn't failed me yet and my heart drops everytime to see you disturbed, hurt, heartbroken,etc..., especially when I look into your eyes(yes they give you away to me). You are also scared. You don't look at me like before, smile like before, talk like before, laugh like before or make me feel like you used to make me feel, before. It's in your absence which kills me so, your texts as well. And even for that, now if I'm not the one to text first, I won't hear from you at all. Not like before. But I still hold on so damn tightly to 'before', and everything I feel now is magnified each time I see you and all the more it's hard and like stinging-white-heat-acid-torture-whatever-to-call-it to try letting you go.

It even actually pisses the crap out of me when people dare to upset or hurt you in any way, especially when you care bout em' too. Oh You have no idea of the fury. And I wish so much to be able to hold you close, in my now-not-so-built-because-I-ain't-eatin' arms as I whisper to you words like 'everything is gonna be alright', as I wish you'd wish for me to never let go. Nothing would be above me, if you let me carry your pain for you or at least share it with me. If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less. I don't even know if you know that. ):

And for some time already, I can't even go to certain places we've gone to or hear certain things you've let me hear, do certain things we did, without getting into a whirlpool of emotion or maybe even a breakdown because I'd wish so much for you to be there. It just ain't the same without you. Emptiness. If it were even possible and if it doesn't seem too selfish, sometimes I feel as if I'd wanna keep you by my side or be by your side always, whenever wherever whatever, and I'd never leave you alone as long as you want me. I can't bare this 'not having you around' or to even leave you for a second(imagine what i silently go through every day without you). I'd keep you safe, help you stand again when you fall. If you'd just please give me a chance and let me. I can take care of you. Anything you ask I'd do.

Do any scenes so far sound like familiar 'been throughs' or 'going throughs'? Think. Who's really true around you?

But, as always, there's the 'but'. Yeah we met. We talked. It was epic. But then the sun came up and reality set in. It then hit me that I can never tell you all this, how I really feel, the madness I have to face and deal with when you ain't around or when you don't even sound. You're not ready for this and most likely never will be. It seems foolish of me to still hope and try to be there for you, knowing I'm just gonna hurt myself even more, but it's for You. My feelings don't matter. My happiness is your happiness. When you hurt, I hurt double seeing you hurt. You don't know. And it burns that I'll never be able to hold you, because you wouldn't dare stay in my arms. I must have done something or screwed up somewhere for you to be like this, slowly drifting away from me, though you may try to put on the 'normal' crown and ignore whatever scares you. I think it's also because you're hurting inside because of other stuff too. I can't blame you because firstly I'm of no significance to you like you are to me. I know that. And I'm still trying to accept that and get my head outta the clouds. ):

Could this be my fault? Could this be that I brought this all upon myself? For letting myself 'fall' so easily? Is it that I'm scaring you away by getting too close? Too in-your-face? Honestly I really can't help how I feel and I can't just make it go away. But, it would totally kill me if I totally lost you, I don't know if i'll survive that. The thought of losing you just sickens me. Awhile ago I came across two ways to go about this. Either I leave you alone and forget you, Or accept that I can never 'have' you but enjoy the moments we have and be thankful we actually met. So since there's really no way for me to forget you or even worse, to leave you alone, I guess that leaves me the second option. Now the second option may sound fine and dandy but it's sorta armoured nicely. It actually means I'll just be the one who'll always be in the wings, or in the corners, just lookin' out for you wherever and come runnin to ease you and get you back up when you go down, shelter you from the storms and keep you safe. And for-I-dunno-how-long suffer in silence secretly wishing you'd someday notice that I'm actually still there and that you'll feel the same and wanna do the same. So there'll still be pain, with either option anyway but at least there's a chance to still be good friends with the second option, if I just be quiet. For You, I'll do it. Because it's You. I got to try to let you go and only hope that you'll come back when you can, because. . . . . and I can never tell you this either. . . I've realized and concluded and am very sure after much thought that . . .

I Love You.

Ironic init? that I can't tell you I love you because I love you and don't wanna lose you. But there I said it. Nobody reads this bloody blog anymore anyway I think. I have all of myself to give, but it feels like you're refusing me. And still I can't blame you.
Wish I was enough for you.

Infinite replay song for current mood: "Come Back When You Can" by Barcelona, soundtrack from The Vampire Diaries. Shall be the next song I cover too.

I've been led on
To think that we've been trying for too long
That every time we drift we're forcing what is wrong
At last that voice is gone

Please take your time
But you've got to know that I am taking sight.
Oh, you look good with your patient face and wandering eyes
Don't hold this war inside.

Come back when you can.
Let go, you'll understand.
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.
So come back when you can.

You left your home
You're so far from everything you know
Your big dream is crashing down and out your door.
Wake up and dream once more.

Come back when you can.
Let go, you'll understand.
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.
So come back when you can.

Come back, I'll help you stand.
Let go and hold my hand.
If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less.
So come back when you can

2010-02-01T23:09:00.000-08:00

Hi All!

How has everyone been doin?? (Chey.. As if I've lotsa' readers :p) I know I haven't been up here for quiet awhile to update and stuff but since I have some time on my sun burnt & scarred & hardnened hands, here I am.

I've been home for almost 2 weeks already as I had to undergo surgery last week at NUH. Will be returning back to camp this Wedsneday the 3rd of Feb. Now, I know one would think that stayin' at home for two weeks mustav been the bore of bores but lemme' tell you, with the Fam Fam I have, it never is, boring. Last week was a blast in fact. I won't go in order of happenings but here goes.

Friday evening, January the 29th. My 'Puts'(Aunty Tash) & 'Lats'(Godma) came over to spend the night. On normal Friday nights, we'd either head out somewhere and go mad, or just go mad and drink over at Godma's place. But this time round since I couldn't come out of the house, they came over to my place to drink instead[= They are just the sweetest.

Here's Godma imitating Mariah Carey's "I wanna' know what Love is" with the whole of Mariah's dramatic hand movements when she sings. This video cracks me up everytime I watch it and I'm sure it'll to the same to you[= LMFAO! Watch it all the way.

Told ya! We're all plain mad[= And not even drunk yet![=

My HAWT-E Godma(Lats)

My HAWT-E Aunty Tash(Puts)

Godma[=

Muscle Comparison

Daddy[=

And that was my lovely Friday evening. My cousin Kelly-Mae & Mel were here alot last week & the weekend before last as well to keep me company at home. I got Mel hooked on watching The Vampire Diaries online with me. My cousin Nicole and Aziz came to visit me too. Kelly-Mae in Mommy's curlers! hahhahha!

Mel's Doing

Mel

Nicole & I

Vanity & Hunger

She always reminds me of Queen Latifah

Aziz

Aziz & Nicole

hahhahhahha

Guess that's all for this post. Pretty short one compared to the others I've done before as long as The Ten Commandments. This Wednesday night I'll be booking back into camp at 2000. Don't know when I'll get to update again but hopefully soon. Till next time...

Dj Out=]

Mercy... Beggin' for it

2009-09-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

I seriously am going mad. I seriously think I'm actually in heat man! Well, not heat but HEAT heat. Now I know how my cat felt. Poorthing. When Missy was in heat awhile ago, my dad put her in the cage to prevent her from running around outside and coming home pregnant. She would make so much weird noises, which she doesn't normally make, and she would be so irritated easily and she'd also roll around on the floor lika' possesed feline.
And I think I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS!
Damn... Am I some ANI-MAMMAL!?

Do humans actually have a heat period? I thought we boys were like you know, 'always in heat' but hell what the hell is happening to me? I've been like this since the beginning of yesterday and HELL, today's even worse, I can't and don't even wanna imagine what tmr will be like man. I've been so irritable, so figitty, and I think my eyes have blinked enough to last me a bloody lifetime already. And I'm still blinking crazily. My body feels lika' fucking furnace and I haven't been able to wear my jeans that I normally wear either for these past 2 days. I have to wear my older ones which are extra baggy and loose so there's lotsa space and no pain. If anyone were to even lay a finger even by mistake on any spot sensitive right now, I seriously think I'll POUNCE! Automatic. Maybe even with claws extended. Hell I wonder how long it'll last. As for my bitchified feline at home, the poor girl went through hell for about almost 3 weeks. DIE!

Curse my libido! No wait, I mean, it's always been high but this is crazy man. This ain't really sky high but OUTTER SPACE high damnit. Hmmm.. Wonder if it could be hereditary.. Wonder if there's anything to lower it, and fast. I need to decode this bomb whatever. Cuz for now I'ma fucking walking living time bomb...

Let Sadness see what happy does, let Happy be where Sadness was.

2009-09-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sadness has been as close as my next of kin. Even when it disappears for awhile(and never for long), it is always nigh, waiting among the deep blue currents and ginormic waves of pain, curling over me just waiting to hit anytime and take me deeper. And I'd be lucky to even get smashed back onto the shore. Will Happy come one day, and chase my blues away? My life will begin when Happy smiles. Sweet, like candy to a child. Stay here and love me even if its for just awhile?
Let Sadness see what Happy does, let Happy be where Sadness was.

Happy, whoever you are, I may know you already, I may not know you yet. But I know you could make my life brand new. Lost as a little I've always been, that'll all change when you come in. Where have I been? What lifetime am I in?
Suspended between time and space, and even lonely at times, up until one day when Happy will come smiling either up or down at me. Sadness will have no choice but to flee. Again I say a prayer so silently,
Let Sadness see what Happy does, Let Happy be where Sadness was.

I miss being young, miss being the Dj everyone loved and enjoyed and wanted, maybe I even miss not knowing so many things, maybe, miss being simple(wait was I ever simple?), miss being naive(I still might be for all I know), hell maybe I even miss virginity, but I miss kisses and cuddles, miss smooches and sweet caress, miss my old goals which may still linger deep down somewhere my subconscious mind has stored away in now flawful detail, and yet I still feel my chin jerk up defensively. I miss being care-free, miss believing I could do anything or become anything I wanted, miss thinking anything's possible, miss being the Dj whose mistakes everyone just easily and gladly looked over as if it were nothing wrong at all, miss nestum, miss weekend sleepovers, miss being able to fall asleep easily and peacfully, miss excitement instead of agonizing anxiety, miss being innocently flirty, miss people liking it when I look at them, eventhough I'd still turn away from the embarrassing gaffe of getting caught staring at a stranger. I miss film cameras, miss VHS tapes, cassette tapes and LDs. Miss padlocks and latches instead of door locks and gate locks and security systems. Ok I may be starting to digress... Well sometimes I feel I can't even make sense of my own words, so lets see if you can...
Just maybe one day... Just maybe... I hope I'll find an ecstacy and joy in life that would stir the very heights of my being. Maybe someday I'll find that rainbow connection.

For now, the thing I have to remember is that it's not always about me. If I let it be about me then I'm screwed(well not like I'm not already... Ok then I'm MORE screwed). So sometimes I might have to stay separate from whats happening, I gotta be somewhere else. The thing is, I don't know where that somewhere else is.

There's another world inside of me that you may never see. However, tempt me and you just might.

Love Dj

Beautiful Weekend

2009-08-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

Whatta weekend[= "Lovelayyy.."(As Nana would say, bless her soul)

Throughout the week was so so and down at times but when Friday arrived, I actually started to feel good, warm & fuzzy... Friday was loads of fun. ShowChior practice was a blast! It was our first dance lesson for MJ's "Black or White". There's a video of myself, April, Kassim & Syira dancin' as we got most of the steps down already, it is posted on FB but i think it's set to private or something so I can't show it here either... Bleagh! Only ShowChoir members' allowed to view.

Anyhoooo, after showchior prac, I zoomed over to Godma's place for some wine and our usual crazyness[= Godma & I also spoke about alot of things, and I mean aLOT of things, bout stuff goin' on. Mhmm.. Aunty Tasha joined Godma and me too and as always, we so enjoyed ourselves with just an evening of wine, cigarettes, awesome gossip and loadsa' sillyness! Love it...

She really made us laugh with her 'putty hair' and making fun of different styles. You'll see in the 3 videos... LOL!

In this next vid, Godma was attempting to 'borrow' her fringe from one end of her head and pinned it to the other side, like those who don't really have much of a fringe have to result to... hahaha. She looked typical TANTE! LOL!

Ohh, Godma got a new wig too. And the syle of it is exactly how her hair used to be during her Runway days, except that her hair's a lil' more wavy and thicker than the wig which is super straight and china-doll-ish. However, the wig still needs some trimming she says. As she dances and prances, she begs Uncle Den to trim her fringe, since he's like the straightest cutter EVER! "Please laaaaaa....B... Don't be like that la.. Cut my fringe for me!!" And then uncle Den goes "At night cannot cut hair!" And then Godma goes, "This not real hair la!!"

Now whatsa' night without wine huh?.?.? We had white wine this time. Godma's place is always like loaded with booz in secret areas... Shshshshs..[=

You know you wanta... hahaha

A. Tash: "I wanna' try it first!"
Godma: "No I WANNA!!"

WIG FIGHT!

A. Tash got to try it first in the end..

HAHAHAHAHA!

Moving on to Saturday... Aunty Celine & Uncle Pat's 45th wedding anniversary. Had to be in church by 8:45am with other cousins a.k.a The Choir for the mass at 10. hehe.. I did have to do "You Raise Me Up" solo though during communion. Surprisingly, tears were shed.. Everyone loved it. And then after, we all headed to Laguna Park for the celebration.

Mommy & me, before church in the morn

"Taxi.!.!.!"

Godma[=

My cousin Nadiya

My cousin Germaine

Her elder sister, Nicole

Smile Mamma!

My cousin Nerissa/photographer for the day

MmMm.. Shiraz anyone??

Nadiya: "To drink or not to drink..."
hahaha!

I still remember when I used her for my 'O' Level art piece.. I turned her from innocent looking to.... uhmm... well you judge.. I thought she looked great.

Yupp.. Thats her.. My cousin Nadiya. My purely colour pencil-ed 'O' level art piece in Sepia toning. Wonder where the photograph of this went to? I still remember the whole day shoot I had with her. And plus she's so innocent, she didn't really have clothes like that or even a pair of heels at that time. So believe it or not, that dress in the drawing is my mom's, those heels are my other cousin's wedding shoes, her nails, hair & make-up had to be done by Your's Truly. That chair she's on, thats my dining room chair and this was taken in my living room. Well, my living/dining/television room(yeah my house is really small) hehehe. It was unbelievable... Even she never knew she could look like this. Well Nadiya, NOW you know what you've got, Flaunt it girl! I'll see you on runway someday[=

Mmm...
McCafe's Himalayan tea,You're a joy, and always will be.
McCafe's Himalayan tea, there's so much about you from A to Z

You can make me go crazy, my foolish heart and I agree.
You are one of a kind, your laugh is way sexier than me.

McCafe's Himalayan tea, you did make my Friday and times with you any other day.
Mmm McCafe's Himalayan tea, there's always somethin' bout' you that makes me wish you'll forever stay.

XXX

To You.

2009-08-05T00:23:00.000-07:00

It seems that you've been through alot, or rather you're going through pretty much right now. One thing I gotta say though that you might not know is that your will power and determination is admirable and with those, you'll probably go far. This world may just really be damned for all we know but its those like you whom I feel can pick themselves up and go on than most. With time and patience ofcourse. Sure the ride gets rough here and there but it will get better, in time... You'll see...

"Love me or Hate me, I promise it won't make or break me."

I came across this quote not too long ago and just thought that maybe you'd like to get acquainted with it too. It might help you sometimes. Also another thing to note is, never ever think that you're some lone wolf, because though there may be assholes out there, I do know of one person right here who cares, whom you can trust, who is behind you and is around if you need to talk anytime. I may not be of the wisest, neither am I any Prince of Egypt or whatever, but know that.

Your new found friend,

Dean

You Give Me Fever...

2009-08-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

"You give me fever...

In the mornin', fever all through the night... FEVAHH"*Smack!* Ok Shuddup... Now! hahaha! Aight aight not to worry y'all, I ain't gonna' do the whole song right here right now aight. I won't say its uber sexy but it is a sexy song. Now let's get to what we're here for shall we. This post's a long one.

My 1st weekend of this August has just passed and indeed it was a pretty nice weekend I guess. Scary how the days are passing pretty fast, as for now I don't know or haven't even planned much yet for the future. Am just living life from day to day, taking whatever comes by and trying my best not to hope too much for things. But I do admit that I have foolish dreams to make me cry. No matter how much hope I try not to drown myself in, damn I still sink crazily sometimes. Any of you get that too?

Ok lets start with last Friday. NO wait! Thursday first!(I know it ain't a weekend day but whatever, its like..... the eve of the weekend.) I spent Thursday afternoon(while at work) talkin' to ma very adorable very lovable brotha-froma-nother-mother all the way from San Pedro Belize... Marco. It was around after lunchtime here, so over there in Belize was like early early in the morn. He didn't have school the day before, but later on he had to drive back up to Mexico for school that day. However, he sent me this, saying he got a lil' chubby. But nahh, he still looks like Marco[=

Mr. Marco Menzies

a.k.a The Prince of the Princes!

hahaha...

Miss ya' already bro. Take care, be safe and we'll talk again soon. And yes I will look down and be more careful when I walk!lol!

Now on to Friday...
Besides working half a day, I met with Hanz for a short double-cheese-burger-meal-coke-and-some-Himalayan-thingy-at-MacDonalds/MacCafe while before going for show choir practice after. April mentioned to me bout' hitting a place called "SupperClub" on the weekend but she couldn't go and I don't know where that is so.... Some other time I guess ok girl? And its SUPPERclub not SUPERclub girl!LOL! Anyway then in the evening, I met with Oreal to help her out with some stuff and also to just chill and talk about stuff. We were supposed to catch a movie but nothing nice was showing. So we coffee shopped for dinner and MacCafe-ed after too.

Oreal, Myself, 'WhoreFun'(LOL!) & Rose Syrup

"Come out now!.!.!"

That was Friday...

Saturday was pretty happening too. My family & I along with Godma & Uncle Den went for the De Vries Reunion thing. Actually, if the WHOLE of our family went, there'd be 19 of us from our side, but Godpa & Uncle Jude are on a shopping spree in Bangkok, and the rest just had other things goin' on.

Anyways, here's a video of the lovely crazy women in the family and as usual, my mother is one of the loudest and craziest as you can see when she comes out from the line and dances in the middle! LOL! Give it up for 'The Dancing Queens!'

The old & the not so old 'Dancing Queens'[=

The 6 of us

Godma's killer wedges

Godma & I

Dayum...

When it got late, we, along with Aunty San headed to another getaway, Chevy's[=

Mommy & Daddy[=

'Mother & Child Reunion'[=

Hackyl & Jackyl[=

Mamma' & her babies

Mommy & Brandon

Another Hackyl & Jackyl

Godma & Uncle Den

Brotha & Sista

Aunty San & my almost-high self

Aunty San & Bran

Aunty San, Godma & Mommy

Cousins...

Dance Daddy Dance![=

Later on Uncle Den wacked some American guy there at Chevy's. The guy went FLYING! LOL!

Earlier in the evening that day before I joined my family at the reunion, myself along with others modelled for an Ethnic Runway Fashion Show at Fengshan CC. We did pretty good and the crowd seemed to like us.

The 'Ethnic Runway' models in Western, Malay, Chinese & Indian outfits

Fliq & I

Fliq, Myself & Ella, the models in Western wear

April and I

hahaha... Attempting Vogue?

'Ella & The Towers'

lol!

Lubyna & I

Rihanah & I

Rehearsing before the show

That was Saturday...

Sunday was the usual with the fam fam[=

The newest member added to our family, Arianna Gabrielle de Rozario[=

My twin shweeties! Mykel Gabriel & Rainier Luke de Rozario

The next 3 pictures weren't of this weekend but it was taken sometime ago at the "Cats" musical we went to at the esplanade. Forgot all bout' these pictures.

Curious. . .

Before the show...

Oh well, I leave you here now. Hell that was a long post. hehe. Till my next entry.... Ta! Love you, you and you... Miss you, you, & yeah you too.[=

A/The/This Gem

2009-07-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

Not at all long ago, I found a gem.

A gem so exotic, so different, so beautiful, and these 3 descriptions aren't even a quarter of the many things about it. When I first layed eyes on this gem, I found that my eyes didn't want to look at anything or anywhere else. It stood out oh so prominantly, among all the noise and things around. Everything around me was suddenly a blur and went in slow-mo, all the sounds around me became so distant, I thought I was fainting. But, this gem was still in focus and all I could here was my heavy breathing. As if my eyes were locked, both my heart and soul could not, or did not permit me to take my eyes off this gem and the only time my eyes were allowed to move was when the gem did, only to gaze upon its everything. A voice in me screamed at my growing want to hold it close and not let go, and as I edged closer another voice in me then whispered "no, you're crazy". My whole self has felt limp since then, and I've fallen, flat smack against the ground, as days went by.

All I think of is the gem. All I think of seeing is the gem, more and more, and whenever I get to, the whole 'wanting to faint' thing happens again. And when I don't get to see it, there's a feeling in me so torturous that I'd beg for death. Really. Like now...

The more I see it, the more I feel like I've known the gem for all my life. And yet I still find it mysterious. In the daylight, it sparkles insanely, in the moonlight, it sparkles insanely, even when there's no light, it sparkles insanely. And though the pucker in my eyes is painful to hold for long, I still can't take my eyes off this gem as its insane beauty makes me forget the pain's even there at all.

Call me whatever, bet yes this gem does exist this way, or in my eyes and in my world at least. Its unconscious power over me is outta' this world. However, and even I don't think I know how sadly, I don't get to hold this gem. In the wings, I just get to hold it with my eyes and heart in all its beauty, its originality, its charm, always in the wonder of what the touch of this gem would be like.

One of a kind, there'll never be another.

Wish you were here.

2009-07-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

Sunday...

Ever wondered why it's called SUNday? Why wasn't it named Moonday or Starday or something? Well, you might be thinking I'm gonna start on some long-ass explanation on this but you're fooled. The thing is, I don't even have one, as always. hehe..

But I do know that I love Sunday, when the family is altogether. I also guess Sunday is a day when you think of the past week and the week to come, what happened, what you're gonna do next. Something like that.

This Sunday was a little different for me I guess. Yes I did enjoy my day with everyone, Yeah I laughed till' I hurt everywhere as always, Yes I pigged out and smoked lika' funnel with the rest throughout the juicy gossip, the lovely sillyness and crazyness. But I also insanely wish you were here.

I haven't had this sorta feeling for sometime already and I don't know if I like it or not. I do know it can drive me crazy though. Why?, because I can't make it go away thats why. I have no control over it. It's lika' poison spreading inside me like wildfire, an antidote might be impossible. Since your aura is apparently incredible, whether near or far. I hate it... hate it hate it hate it. Hell, and still all I do is want you even more. Why am I so drawn to you? Why do you infect me so? Hell another thing about it is, I can't even tell if you're completely oblivious.

Curiousity may have killed the cat but knowing myself, you're so fuckin' mysterious.

Aware of the fact that I may or probably will die, again, I'll still flow as if I have more than '9 lives' in this life of mine.

Anyway, here's what went down today...

At the ginormic field near our place... Clearly none of us are done up for the camera today as you can see from here and the other pictures as well... lol!

Mommy: Eating, Godpa: Watching Tv, Myself: Smoking

Kyle, myself, Godma & Uncle Den lazing on the couch waiting patiently to go downstairs to play.

Godma & Godson[=

My friendship band is almost as fuschia as mommy's loud house flippies. lol!

Pork Chop!

Still waiting... Luckily 13 going on 30 was on

Godpa Goldfish & I. ahahahaha

Cousins & Counter Strike

Let's go down!

I don't know what the hell she was staring at but her face is so classicly "HUH??"

My bro & I

It's us against the world

Those 3 dots in the sky were our kites[= Wonder what its like to be up there

We were going to melt under the 'eeeee' sun so we took cover under the block

Godma with her peanuts, and mommy with her frown

Dayum...

Before we started on the Ice- Cream with Whipped Cream, as usual we'd spray the whipped cream in out mouth first! [=

As we were under the block laughing at just about anything, Godma, Mommy & Godpa were imagining owning a nicer truck like this and riding in the back with fancy out fits, suede gloves and giant umbrellas, waving to everyone we'd drive by... LOL!

Everyone was satisfied with the kites by evening, and then we adjourned back upstairs for dinner. I'm still so full.

Ohh well, this was my Sunday[=

AND STILL, I WISH YOU WERE HERE.

It's 10:58pm, 21st March. In 1hr 2mins time; Happy Birthday to Me..

2009-03-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

Baby me[=

Goodness.. In about 1 hour & 2 minutes' time, I'll be 19. I can't believe I've already reached my last year as a teen, everything's happening so fast.. And I'm so not ready to give up my 'teen status' just yet. Oh well.. I'll never forget my teen years and this last one shall be exquisite[=
Hopefully..

Oreal & Rico just left awhile ago.. They came to visit me cuz nothing's really planned for my birthday this year.. T'was sweet of them, and I think I needed company this evening too.. Thanks you two[= And Brandon[=(Who left as well to play poker, swine! Lucky it ain't my birthday yet)

More of baby me..

Fatty I was huh?

I'm hungry and thirsty and tired and alone and annoyed by the bloody neighbours next door who's 'karaokeing' so loudly at this hour, at least if they could keep in tune or hit the proper notes it would be something but.....this.is.hell. I haven't smoked in 4 days, tmr 5. Tmr's my birthday once again and also Nana & Papa's mass at Holy Trinity church.. hmm, wonder whats in store for the day.. Shall update soon after tmr then..

Get well soon Marco[= Sugar Dreams everyone...

And the 'me' now...

Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up & think of you.

And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are thinking

of me too.

I miss you..Dear Friend.Could I hold you if I could?Hope I Hear from you soon again.

2009-03-05T22:43:00.000-08:00

IT HIT ME LAST NIGHT, AGAIN. WITH SHAKY HANDS & LEGS, IGNORING THE FACT that my action for all I knew was useless, I carried on. Time made no sense as I tried to push slowly through. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because it looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that i was just circling, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.

Finally, I tripped over something-it was black now, I had no idea what caught me-and I stayed down. I rolled into my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up.

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. I tried getting up, but I felt the ground beneath my knees again, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed, pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and wash over my head, pulling me under. Agony ripped through me at the memory of that face, and that face. I did not resurface.

I wonder how you're doing, I wonder how's your family doing. I wonder how's work treating you, I wonder if you're alright. Your mom's in a better place now, always watching over you. She'll never let you down, nor will any of us. I'll be here, always. Be safe Ami.

It's been awhile, since I've been here. Been busy with a few things, I won't say many but a few. Now that I've some time to spare, being all free while waiting to start work soon and also to enlist into the Army, it's high time for an update.

Upon a Friday ago(20th Feb), Mommy, Brandon, Godma, A. Tash, A. Taryn & I headed down to Chevy's. Haven't been there in awhile so it was nice. One of the best Eurasian pubs/hangout I know[=

Getting warmed up at Godma's first

D & G

A. Tash, Mommy & Godma

Renesmee & Edward Cullen. lol!

Godma: "Ai mai what did I forget now?.....YANTI!!!"

Tangkap[= lol!

Not even in the car on the way yet oh deos!

[= Years ago, godma had a picture taken exactly like this when she was on one of her overseas modelling contracts[=
This one! almost the exact same capture. hahaha!

In the car, on the way.

Godma couldn't drive properly with her boots so she had to take em' off for the journey and then put em' on again before we went into Chevy's. hahaha!

Mommy[=

Later on, Scott & Mel joined us there.. Rovi came too.

Aww..

Mel's pleasantly plump here[=

Godma[=

A. Tash[=

Mommy[=

"Vodka, Whiskey or me??"

She yanked me to the dancefloor when 'Corazon Espinado' started

Magang Face!

The werewolf and the vampire[=

Edward & Bella Cullen. LOL!

Geram face

Chey..

Dance everyone![=

She hit the flo...

next thing you know, Shawty got low!

hahaha!

Chey! A. Taryn!

Renesmee, Bella & Edward[=

Boots Galore...

Drink anyone??

The drinks got to us I Swear(fingers crossed).. haha

Her mind's somwhere else...

Something caught her?

The "almost fight" that occured..

She had a fight with the boots for all I know, tryin' to get em off.. lol!

Sleepy..

Upon a Sunday ago, we had steamboat with the fam fam. It was nice because it's been awhile since we've been altogether on a Sunday. The usual get-together, laughing, gossiping, more laughing, the time spent, I love it.

Then Saturday(moving backwards), I spent time at Godma's place, helping her out with the internet and her scanning of old pictures of wild and lovely memories. We practically did that the whole day till' night, while talking, laughing most of the time, coffee, cigarettes, her buttercake she made that came out wrong to her but I still loved it, more laughing. It was nice. Godma & I

Performed at the esplanade once upon a Wednesday and Thursday with CemTa's vocal group and a few Grease friends too. Didn't get any pictures from there though. Monday(once upon again) I took my final theory test for driving for the second time and failed again. How sad. I'll try again though.

That weekend was fun though. On Sunday, my brother, Oreal & I along with a few other friends, acted for my cousin Germaine's film project thingy. It wasn't the RedCarpet but still, CAMERA!hahaha!

Our very own Miss Hudgens.. haha!

Oreal, Brandon & I

Myself, Vik & Brandon

Germaine & I
Lavinna[=

She's oh so petrified of dogs I tell you. It was hilarious, how fast and active she was being chased by the Golden retreaver we let loose upon her.lol!

Then the day before that, Saturday, was Benji's Birthday celebration at The Arena in Clarke Quaye. I enjoyed myself that night too. There were alot of us who went in together. Big group. I danced, drank, got high, danced some more, and observed everyone else as usual. It's what I always do when I go clubbing and partying. I tend to scan people and eavesdrop without knowing, how loud the music may be. I knew who I was looking for that night though. I looked and looked for awhile but had no luck. Then when i decided on a toilet break, there she was. She was like a goddess as she gracefully sort of glided past me, it's like she was lavitated as her long white floral dress flowed over the ground, as it fell perfectly on her flawless body. The Goddess-like Latina. My heart raced, like it always does whenever I see her there at The Arena. I never fail to. But as usual with all the others, she doesn't even know I exist, when I know her name, sort of her background and whatever else. How typical. Anyways, untouchable too. She's married. Married when she's still possibly a teen. Oh well.. wth.. I still enjoyed my night there anyway. Here are some pictures...
Scott, Shaun & I

Shaun & I

Suzie Quatro! LOL!

The Vampire & The Werewolf[=

Scott, Benji, Orry & I

Nadine & I

Wonder wth Scott and Benji were trying to do.. hahaha

At the beginning of February(2nd Feb to be exact), I went on a short road trip to Malaysia with Godma & family. We went to Kuala Lumpur, then to Malacca, then to Ayer Hitam & then back to Singapore. We were gone from the 2nd of Feb to the 5th of Feb basically. Did LOTSA shopping and relaxing. It was very peaceful, especially when we stayed on the Portuguese Settlement in Malacca. Like EVERYONE there's Eurasian like us and they all speak Portuguese too. It felt somewhat like home, though it wasn't really. hahaha! You'll see...

On the road

Cousins Kyle & Keith

Godma & Uncle Den

This book kept me occupied on the road[=

We stopped at some coffee place on the highway to grab a bit. Whatta name, Shalala Coffee!LOL!

Back on the road

Arrived in KL.Still searching for a hotel to bunk in for the night

Found one! Swiss Garden Hotel[=

Getting settled in our room

Uncle Den was annoying Godma, flicking her nose till' they started wrestling! lol!

Shopping at the night market. Crowded as hell!

Snuggled in. Night night....

The next day..........

Up, up & early for the wonderful breakfast.

It was divine & filling I swear

HAHAHAHHA! We really had a good bloody laugh at this one the road to Malacca

To Malacca![=

Beautiful

Uncle Den: "Alamak kena pay toll again BASTARD!"
hahaha.. cuz we got lost for a bit and were circling.
We made Godma ask the ice-cream man for directions on the highway!hahaha!

We got tired

And then when we arrived in Malacca, we couldn't find the Portuguese Settlement.

LOST

We stopped somewhere where an old helpful man drew a map for us[=

Discussing the route

Let's go!

It was FUCKING HOT I think my skin actually shimmered/glittered under the sun. [=

The Red Church

Another yellow church. It was church galore there!

CHEY! If only[=

Then we passed the red church again. Circling...

Pirate ship![=

Another ship thing..

Found It!!![=

HELLO LISBON!!

Very Peaceful

Goreng Pisang(Fried Banana)

hahaha!

The view from our Veranda was awesome

The fly was damn bloody big I swear

Caramel[=

Dinner time.. All hungry..

Uncle Den caught us from the top

A graguk fisherman

hahaha! this was Godma's idea

The crabs were WOW[=

Got carried away with the camera

Till' Keith scared the shit outta' me

Sugar Dreams

Breakfast the next day.. People shouted "Jonas Brothers" one too many tiimes that day a me.

Bye Bye Lisbon..

An accident on the highway on the way to Ayer Hitam

Mezmerising..

They came outt'a no where

More shopping..

Couldn't stop looking at this one's eyes..

Vogue???

No dirty thoughts now aight[=

And going back home..

It was a memoriable trip.. I wanna go back to the Portuguese land in Malacca again someday.. It was very peaceful there and the people were so welcoming. Everyone spoke Portuguese, much faster than we do, but we could understand[= Just that we can't speak that fast.. hahaha

Wow, that was a damn long post.. haha.. Till my next entry... Ta..

TWILIGHT, Edward Cullen: "I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore"

2008-12-17T02:50:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way you do?
'Cause I try & try to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away

Crush, by David Archuleta.

(Love the song[=)

Tuesday, the 16th of Dec 2008, Adelina & I watched Twilight. It was a damn sexy & awesome show. And whosoever should miss it, they don't know what the hell they're missing out on[=

"And the Lion fell in love with the Lamb."

This is what it's supposed to look like when the sky is in twilight, it ain't always easy to come by though.
And then... well, i tried snapping whilst i thought we're in twilight sky but I guess this is the closest picture I'd taken.... FOR NOW.[=

White Brilliance[=

hahahaha...

Edward Cullen: "This is why we can't go out in the Sunlight, people will know we're different."

Here in the Twilight.

2008-11-10T20:45:00.000-08:00

It's been eaons since my last post, so now that I've managed to salvage some time for an update, time to return to the realm of bloggers for a bit.

Catch us[=

Well, it comes to theatres on 18 Dec 2008 here in Singapore actually. 21st of Nov is when it comes to theatres in the US. Can't wait a minute more.. DAYYUM! Totally crazy bout it.

Well, Alot's been going on this while. Things've changed, schedule's tightened greatly, less time for me, more beings involved here and there, what more could I mention right? But I ain't complainin' just yet, I'm pretty alright for now actually. I'm pretty good. Could be better but I'd settle with this for now. The solutions I seek have eluded me most of these days, but I've been patient and shall continue to be. No doubt things happen for a reason, but hopefully the arrival of clearer visions will one day come in.

A little aside from that for awhile, "Grease" has gotten into my blood stream and it's excitingly venomous at times[= We've been doing shows recently, all getting us more prepared and phsyced up for our actual musical production next year in January. I can say I've been enjoying myself, despite few things that've been going on in our "Grease coven". Some pleasent, and some unpleasant but hey, things ain't gonna be fine and dandy ALL of the time init? Fall, lift your chins up again and recover. Let's get a little more pictorial here now shall we...

This is one of our posters but it ain't made public yet so here's a little sneaky peak to get the party goin'.[=

Danny Zuko & Sandy Dumbrowzki

The Adorable Patty Simcox[=(Teha)

Held in our hands, mics; our detachable body parts.

Doody(Kassim) & Danny

& also not forgetting......

CHA CHA!(April, also known as my Bella[=)

Ohh well, the sun has set and the hunt is nigh, for I thirst again. Gotta run... Till' my next entry...

Whats Been Crackin'

2008-06-25T00:30:00.000-07:00

Giving up the fight sounds like a good idea, especially if you are tired of always having or wanting to be right. But it's not as easy as it sounds, because the consequences of letting go won't be worth the temporary peace you might experience. When you realize that your choice does not have to be all or nothing, then your day can quickly improve. I can see more clearly now as the fog lifts, but I might not like everything I've learnt up till' today. Nevertheless, knowing the truth is better than being kept in the dark. Once I have the complete picture, then I can deal with those things that still need work. I shouldn't be afraid to rely on my friends for support when I need it.

I think my ambition is rewarded now, yet the good news I receive may not have an obvious relationship to what I'm currently doing. Doors that normally remain shut are maybe opening and opportunities are being offered. Although I'm willing and eager, it will still require hard work on my part once I've to say "yes."

Are you kidding me? I'm sounding like a friggin' palm reader for Sobbing out loud! haha! WTH? Stop it DJ, and quit this lips thing for awhile would'cha? Alright now we'll get down to it..

It's already the 2nd week of my 3 week 'holiday'. Things have been pretty alright but its moving too fast. I don't wanna' go back to routine and books and yelling teachers just yet. I need the rest from that, seriously. Not that I'm not getting the rest right now, but I just still feel it's too damn short. Agreed?? Anyways, let's get to whats been happening and I hope to not miss out anything. So yesterday, Oreal called me in the late afternoon asking if I'd like to meet her and Beatrice at StarBucks.. I went to meet them; my butt was beat from sitting in front of my laptop from morning so I just wanted get up and get out of the house. Thanks for calling Oreal[= Here's what happened on my way to meet them alright. I was nicely walking to the remixes of Michael Jackson, with my ear pieces and all, to Billy Jean at first. Its a nice beat to strutt to by the way. So then, I was finally going up the escalator to the bridge to cross over to Compass Point. On escalators we're just supposed to stand still on a step and let the damn thing bring you up right. Well not for me, I still walked up those wide moving escalator steps, still keeping in time to the jam of Billy Jean and just as it was about to remix into Thriller, I slipped after missing a step and FELL! I went right down as if I were cowing down to an invsible being in front of me! And best of all, there was this group of SJC girls behind me at the bottom of the escalator and they saw the whole damn blooper moment. THEY GIGGLED! haha! I didn't know whether to laugh or to run. Everything happened so friggin' fast, I just kept my blessed ear piece(which went flying with my handphone) and continued walking to StarBucks as fast as I could. And once I reached Oreal and Beatrice, I never felt so safe and relieved to sit down..

So once I nicely sat down, I told them what had happened and they laughed and laughed and laughed.. They couldn't tahan.. haha! But I have to admit it was a very 'kelaka' moment if you know what I mean. hehh. I can't remember why the hell my face was like that but by the looks of my mouth, I think I was about to say "Bloody Bastard" in the most typical Eurasian way ever. hehh.

So anyways, Oreal had Ice Brewed Passion Tea and I had Peach Danish(I think). And Beatrice... Well, she was just fascinating with our stories and her pink book she borrowed from their school library. Rico then met us awhile after too.. Yeahh, so that was yesterday..

The night before that, the fam fam and I went to Aunty Margie's birthday dinner. She's hit 70 so Happy Birthday again Aunty Marge[= Damn that was a tiring and lazy day, since Brandon and I were dragged outta' bed that morning to go to church. Cuz Sarah's Sweet Sixteenth party was on Saturday night. And Brandon and got home like 5plus Sunday morning? I think. And we had to get outta' bed at about 9ish for church, had so little time to nap. But we hadda' nice time though. Sarah's party was great and the bloody house that the party was held in is MEGA. It was at house 162 at Sentosa Cove. Hello, 11 MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE!

Thanks again Sarah for that night and Happy Birthday again in advance girl[=

Sarah calls this photo 'Palliation'

From left to right: Oreal, Me, Tabby, Alvin, Sarah, Kelly, Chloe, Alvin & Brandon

Down at the Jetty

You haven't seen the whole damn house yet

Oreal, Sarah, Brandon & I

My HyperCrazyAss Brother

Tash, Olivia, Sarah & Giselle

Rico[=

hahaha

Also had my usual chat with Marco that Saturday afternoon before the party.[= He's one of my favourites to talk to and an excellent listener.. Poor guy hadda' headache that day though so I introduced an old 'Ginger Remedy' thing to make the headache go away.. Hope it worked Marco! Here's your video by the way.. Ladies & Gentlemen from all over, I give you, Mr. Marco Menzies! All the way from San Pedro, Belize! *roaring round of applause*

hahaha! Hope ya don't mind me posting this aight[= hehh. Marco sent me this video the other day.. hehe.. It always makes me laugh and I think you guys'll maybe enjoy it too.. He titled this Crazy Marc..

hehh.. Got home pretty late that Saturday morning though. My brother and I met Scott at Chevy's the night before(Friday) and then we headed to some place in town for a few drinks.

OHH! then Thursday was Godma's birthday! It's birthdays after birthdays this month[= Yeah, stayed home most of the day on Thursday(19th June), and then bought a cake for Godma and went to her place to surprise her since she wasn't doing anything but work all day.. Poor thing. haha. Godma turned 37 that day[=

Can't really see much of it cuz' she was so shy to pose for this as you can see, she's covering her face and blowing the damn candles. hahaha!

Played golf with Basil & my brother on Tuesday(17th June) on the Air Force Course..(Basil's dad's a pilot). I enjoyed myself.. You know, mostly everyone thinks that golf is slow and boring and its for the older ones.. THATS SO NOT TRUE MAN! haha. I had fun. I like to golf now and I'm actually looking forward to next time[= hehh. Had this nasty cut on my thumb though cuz' I wasn't wearing a glove when I took a real hard swing at the 3rd tee with Basil's monster driver. My skin was hanging... Whatta' sight it was.. haha! Lucky for you guys, I don't hava' picture of that so yeah.. hehh..

At the driving range before we hit the course

Didn't really rest well before golf though. Got home late that morning as well after watching Sex And The City with Scott & his friend at Cathay Cineleisure at 1.30am. hehh. I got home about 4:45am that morning, snuggled in and my brother and I were supposed to be at Basil's place by 9:30am. hahaha! The poor bugga was waiting and waitng for us and in the end, we met him at about 1 plus or 2plus! haha! Can't really remember.

Scott drove us to Cineleisure..

MONDAY...16th of June... Rico got Oreal from school after her extra class and he dropped her off at my place before going to school.. So Oreal spent a day with Brandon & I that day.. Basil came over too.. They wanted to check out our new laptops[=

Oreal tried on our roller blades and she almost fell! hahaha

hahaha!

We brought Oreal & Basil to the roof top.. Oreal couldn't wait to get down from there.. hehh..

She's smiling but she's terrified... LOL!

View from the top

Looks like a friggin' whirlpool balls!

Yeahh.. That was Monday.. Now let's go back to the 14th of June shall we.. It was Uncle Harold & Auntie Sheila's 40th Wedding anniversary celebration.. It was a night of dinner and dancing and fancy dressing! It was held at the Carlton Hotel.. They also renewed their wedding vows in the afternoon at OLPS church.. Melissa & Tracey-Ann Cousins[= Cousins[=

Uncle Jude & Aunty Joyce(PageBoy & Bride's Maid)

Uncle Burton & Aunty Maureen.... They had their Ruby wedding anniversary too back in April and BOY did we hava blast at their's too[=

The Groom & Bride: Uncle Harold & Auntie Sheila

Getting ready at Godpa's Salon for the night

All Set

She's reading her text messages actually... See the frown?? She needs her glasses! LOL!

She's bringing BIG hair back!

Mommy & Aunty Joyce

MEL! hahaha!

Mom & Dad[=

Uncle Den, Godpa & Uncle George

The ballroom/danchall

Auntie Diana[=

Hackyl & Jackyl

Manda...

Me, Amanda, Alyssa & Melissa

Don't we look like some boy band? ? ?

Jeremy & Melissa.. Jeremy looks totally stoned! lol!

FlowerGirl & PageBoy: Alyssa & I

Entourage Reunion! haha.. we were the page boys and they were the flower girls for Tracey & Fabian's wedding

Too white for the flash?

The Greatest Love of All

This is not my doing

Mother & Child Reunion

SeRAYU SeFesang!

Stars in the making[=

Blame it on the Boogie?

Yeahh.. So that was pretty much that night... hehh. Whatta night.. We all even did THRILLER! hehh.. Had tonnes of fun dancing.. Now before I go.. I'd just like to feature one more thing.. I haven't been drawing or doing portraits or sketching for quite sometime already and recently, I decided to start again.. To see if I've still got it.. Let's take a lookie...

Ohh well, Thats pretty much it for now.. Gotta get up early in the morn to baby sit my cousins Kyle & Keith.. Till my next entry.. Ta

Branded A Fool

2008-06-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

I look and feel so dumb right now,

Standing outside your house

Trying to maybe apologize

Cuz' I'm so ugly when I cry

Please, shouldn't I cut it out

I don't know if I wanna' say I'm sorry, cuz I'm not

When I know I'm only sorry I got caught

I didn't put on quite a show

But I really had us going

Now it’s time to go

Curtain’s finally closing

That was not quite a show

But you may've found it entertaining

But I think it’s over now

Don't need to take a damn bow

How 'bout a round of applause?

Standing ovation..?

Simone Shannon Borries

2008-06-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

Anyway, the other day, Rico, my brother and I went to the roof acces of one of the flats near mine.. Haven't been up there in forever man.. It was sure as hell peaceful, quiet and windy too.. I think I'd probably go up there next time when I'm feelin' lonely or if I just wanna' cry.. See....

Blurred Bros.. haha!

I think it'll look nicer at night though

We shall go up there again soon. [=

OH! OH! The other day at class during our practical lesson, I was so bored(not like i'm not bored every lesson).. SO, we were playing with small wires you use to hook up a circuit and this is what I did..

I curled one of the black wires and attached it to the hair above my forhead, like a 'Kiss Curl'. Superman's Kiss Curl! lol!

Hi Fairuz!(my sidekick)

Alright now check out this next photo! I've been wanting to post it for a long time already but I keep forgetting.. SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE ABOUT THIS! Really.. Even I don't thrown ciggys around just like that.. Take a look..

LitterBug Galore!

Momsy & I at Lagoon(east coast)..

So since I have so much catching up to do on my blog, let's go all the way back to the night of Mommy's birthday shall we... 9th May 2008.. Ann turned 57!

This is the pub we celebrated at.. Chevy's! [=

MOMSY! [=

Dad & Mom

Hwappy Bwirthday...

Love them to bits..

Aunty Karen, Tabby, Scott, Alvin and Chole were present too...

CAKE!

Dancing!.!.! Check out Oreal's steam face! LOL!

"Thats the way uh-ha uh-ha I like it, uh-ha uh-ha!"

Mel, Godma & Aunty Maureen

Da Band...

and More Dancing...

Brother & Sister

hahahaha!

Uncle Den & Godma

Nicely posing..

Nicely GOSSIPING! (See the face!)

White Brilliance..

Why the long face Dj?

Daddy wuvs us vwery mwuch!

[=

Moving On... Now we go to the twins' birthday, Mykel & Rainier.. At Pasir Ris Beach! On 25th May 2008, Mykel & Rainier turned 2! Bite em' cheeks!

Pasir Ris Beach

Pit 46

YUM!

Cristiano Ronaldo Junior

Brandon & Rico... hahaha

We went for a swim.. but only for a short while.. YOU'll KNOW WHY LATER!

Footprints in the sand

So................ The world IS round.. hmm..

[=

This here's a video of Brandon & Rico attempting a BAYWATCH 'run into the water' scene... LOL! Watch!

LOL!

Havaianas & Surfer's Paradise..

This is why I only swam for awhile! I tell you, these freakin worm like things were going in SPIRAL motions in the water and the minute I saw it, I RAN! Sucha' sickening sight!

Eh eh!

Had to be Uncle Ron.. hahaha
Pout Godma Pout!
hahaha!
Godpa [=

The twins were sound asleep
Naughty Mamma'

So yeah, that was th twins birthday.. Now we come to my Godpa's birthday which was last sunday at Nana's place... Godpa turned 47!

Make a wish [=
And blow..
Nephews and Neice..

Oh well, thats about for now folks.. The next birthday party is GODMA's which is comin' up real soon.. So stay tuned.. [=

Today our relief didn't turn up for class so we practically went to school for an hour plus only today.. Was with Aynn and Sara most of the day and Aynn took this photo of me..

She insisted I submit this in as an advert for Topman or River Island or something..
HAHAHA!

Aynn's work again..

AYNN! lol!

One of my crazy kakis in school [=

Ohh well, I'm beat already... Bye all... Till' my next entry....

I can feel & I can cry, a fact I'll bet you never knew.

2008-05-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

There are worse things I could do,

Then go with a girl, or two.....

Eventhough the neighbourhood thinks I'm trashy and no good

I suppose I don't know if that's true

But there are worse things I could do... (I think)

I could flirt, with all the girls

smile at them and maybe raise my curls

Press against them, when we dance

Make ME think I stand a chance

Then refuse to see it through

Thats a thing I'll always go through

I could stay home, everynight

Wait around for friends or Miss Right

Take cold showers everyday, and throw my life away

On a dreaM that won't come true

I could hurt someone like me

Outta' spite or jealousy

I don't steal and I might lie

But I can feel, & I can cry-A fact I'll bet you never knew

But to cry in front of you

Thats the Worst thing I COULD DO....

You're sucha pussy pushover Dean.. When will you ever be..... whats the word?

EVEN I HAVEN'T A CLUE! HIT THE FAGS AND PUFF AWAY NOW GO GO GO!

Mamma Say Mamma Sah Mamma Kuh Sah!

2008-04-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

I wanna' take you away

Let's escape into the music, DJ let it play!

I just can't refuse it, like the way you do this, keep on rockin' to it

Please don't stop the, PLEASE don't stop the mu(SLAP across the face!!!) Shuddup DJ... Enough! Now get to it!

Alright alright... hehh..

LAST SATURDAY!(5th April) was Aunty Maureen & Uncle Burt's Ruby(40th) wedding anniversary... And there's no doubt the we all hadda' BLAST! Well, most of us[= It was at Meritus Mandarine hotel and it was pretty nice actually.. Very grand. And what was cute about the whole thing was that the entourage was the exact same entourage on their wedding day in 1968.. Bride's maids, flower girl, page boy... SAME! haha. One of the bride's maids was my mom.. hehh. Nice to see everything the same.. Only difference is, everyone's just older now.. Mommy wore this gown and everyone commented her a million times saying she looked like some GREEK GODDESS! Hehh! She did actually.. We'll see in the photos[= But First, here's a little video of Aunty Maureen & Uncle Burt's entrance(greeting everyone at the tables as well)..

I Love you baby, And if It's quite alright, I need ya' baby, To wan the lonely nights... I love you baby.... Trust in me when I... *SMACK!* k k..

This was before the evening.. When we had to follow her to Godpa's shop for her hair appointment... She was like "You don't bloody well put this photo on your blog ah, my hair all not done yet!!! Wrapped in a towel and all oh get out la!!!"

Then we met Mel & Kurt at Godpa's shop.. They were getting there hair done too! Mel had this big huge thing over her head with the rollers on inside..

And then she couldn't believe how nice her hair came out once everything was done.. hehh.. See the "shock" in her face!

Then it was Mommy's turn.. Looks like she's picking her nose but she's NOT.. Anyway, this was before her hair was put up. They were figuring out what to do..

And wallah... The Greek Goddess look..!

And off we go.. To The Meritus Mandarine!

HoT(Brandon) & NoT(Myself)

Cousins..

Godma, Mommy, Aunty Diana & Mel( the only 4 ladies in my family)..

THEN.. after the cocktail and after everyone was seated, they started the entrance of the bridal Entourage.(song played: Through The Years)

The Page Boy & Flower Girl(Uncle Rodney & Aunty Jennifer)

The two Bride's Maids(and also the two Anns)

The Sponsors..

Mommy got seated beside daddy..

Then it was time for The Entrance of Aunty Maureen & Uncle Burt's Offsprings[=

Lynne & her 4th daughter... Uncle Anthony & her other 3 daughters couldn't come down..

Then Vanessa & family.. ( Darren, Gavin & Regan) All the way down from Seattle yo..

The original Bridal Party- 15 April 1968. My mom was only 16 at that time and she's the second bride's maid from the right with the classic 60's bee hive hair in the photo! hahaha..

There she is.. So cute.. hahaha

All the men who opened their own Champagne had to stand in front and pop them on the count of 3! Didn't get the video of the popping of the CORKS though..
THEN.. It was time for the Entrance of the Bride & Groom! "Could you all please Stand." hahahere's the video again..

The Bride & Groom[=

Cousins: Me, Riane & Kimberly.. They look like supermodels, agreed??

Cousins again: Me, Regan & Brandon(Brother)

My Family

BRIGHTNESS!!!(Spot kurt in the back!)

Kurt & Mel

Cousins: Kim & I

Cousins: Riane & I

Cousins: Alanna & I

Cousins: Gavin & I(See I told you it looks Glowy, right Gavin?) hahaha

My so-much-more-hotter-than-me bro & I again

Behold the freak of nature..

too white for the damn flash i guess

The bride & groom giving their speech[=

One of the V.I.P. tables

Daddy & Mommy at another V.I.P. table[=

Godma & I

Godpa & I

Uncle Den & I

Uncle Jude & I

Kurt & I

Mel & I

Lynne's Daughter's so adorable

THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!(I'm gonna' have one of these one day[=)

oooooo..... That need for chocolaaaaaaaaaaate

Up in the hotel room

Going back downstairs

Stressed Andrea

Uncle Burt & Aunty Maureen[=

One of me is enough

Mother & child

Greek Goddess on the run

Vanessa & Lynne gave a speech too & a beautiful slideshow presentation of the old days.

Uncle Burt's family

Aunty Maureen & Uncle Burt in the...........60's? 70's?

Aunty Maureen & Uncle Burt on their 25th wedding anniversary

Table 17[=

Gavin & Regan giving their speech..

Sweet Sweet Aunty Jen[=

Waiting to Dance...

Kimberly...(Now who can guess whos those lips in the corner belong to? ? ?[=)Secret answer: GAVIN!!! "Shshshshs"

Kim & I again...

The opening dance.. Song played: Let's stay together

"Calling all couples to the dancefloor...."

Aunty Diana & Uncle Brian

Daddy, Mommy, Aunty Joyce & Uncle Vernon

So nice to see them like this

Gavin & I..

This look I can't describe..

Gavin & his TONGUE THANG.... LOL!

Guess Who's is who's???

We Are Family!

Keith & Aunty Diana... "Thats the way uh ha uh ha I like it Uh ha ha!"

The two Furiade cousins!

One of the sexiest couples I know.. [=

Mommy's Shoe.. (and everybody goes "ooooooooo00 sparklyyyyyy")

Tired us..

Tired Brandon(on the way home)

So YEAH! That was pretty much what happened that night.. There are way MORE photos of us dancing but they're all in other cameras and I'm still waiting for them.. hahaha! We even danced to THRILLER! AND THAT THING YOU DO! hahaha. All the cousins and I have certain dances to certain songs that were all sorta "choreographed" when we were much much younger! haha. Pretty cool...

Now let's touch on yesterday shall we... Iwent for Gavin & Regan's farewell dinner thing.. Cuz they flew back to Seattle this morn.. We went to eat at this Peranakan Restuarant thing opposite Holy Family church.. Yeahh.. And the food was NICE! haha..

Being Vain in the car...

Now Kim's too white for the flash... hahaha!

Stoner! hahaha!

Sistas...

Riane almost fell down trying to take a picture! HAHAHA!

Well, moste of us got in it...

Braces...

The star thing..?

ICE-CREAM PARLOUR!

Waving bye bye...

Attempted to pout like andrea but failed miserably! LOL!

Then came the part of the night when everyone has to say goodbye.. (Sigh)

And yeah, that was yesterday night.. Hopefully Gavin & Regan will be back again in Summer(like Gavin said probably)....hehh..

Now let's go further back in time.... hehh.. Back to 3rd April 2008, Thursday I think.. Yeahh.. Rico stayed over that day.. More vain shots people......

This is like some ELIGIBLE BAHCELOR shot man..

STYLEOS!

FierceNESS!

HAHAHA!

I'm so gonna' draw this soon! OMG THE HOTNESS! Check out the legs I can't take it man!

The next day, 4th April, Friday, we went to meet Oreal after she got done with school.. She was so happy and laughy and bubbly that day.. Laughing ang laughing away.. hehh. Nice to see her that way.. All happy and hyped up.. We went to Compass point to grabba' bite at Burger King and then we went back to my place before going to Brandon's Soccer match..

And now we go further further back in time! To before the anniversary celebration! When we had some meeting at aunty Maureen's place...

The Tanah Merah....

Vanessa & I

Gavin & his TONGUE THANG again...

BRACES!

Mmmm....

View from Aunty Maureen's Penthouse..

Now we go further further further back in time....And I THINK thats the final 'further' you'll see for this entry.. hehh! hmm, let's see... oh yeah! 27th April, Thursday.. The day Erika came to meet me after school.. At terminal 1.. Then when it was time for her to meet her parents, she met them at IKEA.. And I went to GIANT to repare my mom's MP3 player.. The sky was so peculiar and nice that evening.. See...

Beautiful...

And then the next day.. I took Erika to see AXECALIBUR perform in a competition at NUS...

? ? ?

Erika & I

AXECALIBUR in action!

Awesome!

My buddy Scott.. Also the one and only bassist of AXECALIBUR

My cousin Germaine also came to meet us after awhile that night cuz she was so damn bored..hahaha..
I wasn't ready?

Waiting for the bus...

Could this be the start of something new?

Ohh well, we'll know soon enough I guess.. Alright peeps.. Gotta go.. It's cold, it's late, its....... well I dunno... Quiet? hehh.. I think I might've went a little overboard with the photos on this entry..

Hmm...Dunno what time Gavin & Regan'll be arriving back in Seattle.. They were only here for awhile and I think I'm gonna miss them.. Atleast there's still Myspace & MSN I guess.. And FACEBOOK VANESSA[= AND LYNNE[=

hmmm... Till my next entry.. Sugar dreams everyone...

2008-03-24T23:57:00.000-07:00

OMGoodness I don't know where to start! hehh! Alot's happened lately and for now I'm feeling great I guess. Alright how about we start with MY SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY ON THE NIGHT OF THE 22ND of MARCH!!AT CHEVY's! Oh whatta night it was! WELL, before I start the whole storey, here's a video from that night at that moment of the surprise! Had the shock of my life la...

SURPRISE!!! So YEAH! haha! K here's how it went.. The night before my birthday, Godma called me and she was like "Boy, tmr you come to my house since you're not doing anything. Bring your clothes for night and I'll bring you out at night. Must really DRESS UP ah!" So okey la I went to my Godma's place the next day in the late afternoon and we talked and talked. On the way there it was raining damn heavily and here I'm with my bag all running in the rain to get to her place..

K la maybe y'all can't see the rain properly, but it was FREAKIN' heavy balls.

I got stuck under the blocks for awhile

Godma:"Wait la swine! Make up and hair all never do yet WAIT MAN!"

They gave me this damn nice V-neck shirt. The fit is nice also. THANK YOU GODMA & UNCLE DEN

THEN... Came around 5 or 6 something my Godma told me to go get ready first. So I did. We dressed up and everything and we were feeling VAIN like we normally do so......

The Aura of Vain.. Is strong among us.. SHUDDUP LA

Well, We're ready for the night!

VAIN! Lol!

Outta' the house, walking to the car

Check out the eyes man

In da Car

So when we got into the car, Uncle Den and Godma were asking where'd I'd like to go, what I'd like to do.. I was like "haha wherever la. I dunno. Y'all know all these night spots so wherever you take me I'll GO! haha!" So they decided on taking me to Gazer's at Paramount first. Haven't been there in ages! Ha ha. Godma was like "WE'RE GOIN' PUB HOPPING TONIGHT!" with the east to west smile on her face. HAHA!

At Gazer's...

Whiskey water & Vodka lime[=

At Gazer's, Uncle Den & Godma kept answering their phones and going out of the pub to talk. And STILL I didn't suspect ANYTHING. hehh. So after the 1 or 2 drinks we had there, they were like "WHERE SHOULD WE HEAD TO NEXT?" and again I was like "anywhere la just take me[=" haha! Then Uncle Den was like "alright we'll head to Katong Village, we'll go to Terry's or Crew Room or something". I agreed, but Godma was like, "Chevy's better la" so OKEYY! [= So we left Paramount and headed to Katong Village. And when we got outta the car, Godma said "Boy we go in by the back okey?" I agreed.. So THIS was the time.. When I opened that back door, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha LET's WATCH IT AGAIN!

haha. It was awesome to see everyone there. I even teared abit when I walked in because I was so happy so see my family and friends there. I was touched..

There! See! Can't see the tears la but but can see my face red alamak

Brandon, Me, Rico, Oreal, Germaine & Shannon

Forever Brothers these three

haha!

POUT AWAY. . .

Chilling outside with Scott

[=

Cake Time. . .

"Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Bithday to Dj

Happy Birthday to you!" [=

THEN.............................................................................. DANCING! Ofcourse had to start first la then the others'll join..

HAHA! See the face!

Yeahh!! Brandon & I went with the FREEZE

And everyone grooved on! Chey Bah! Oreal with the hands in the air all CHEY CHEY!

Mommy & Godma! Goiiiiiiiiiiiiing only...

The music was HAPPENING that night. Everyone was so on! It was damn fun when we were all dancing to THRILLER by Michael Jackson. Cuz' we knew some of the steps and everyone followed! haha. Some more we were all high and were singing so intensly when the song WE ARE FAMILY came on! WITH HAND ACTIONS TO FOLLOW THE SONG SOME MORE! One was Oreal! K firstly EVERYONE knows the words to We Are Family, so we were all singing and dancing together and Oreal was with her hands out sticking her index finger up all at the "WE ARE FAMILY, I'VE GOT ALL MA SISTAS WITH ME" part.. haha! ALL of us la actually.. Head side to side all like the "You GO GIRL" kind of head movement! HAHA! Hilarious once you think about it! And all our eyebrows become funny when we all are really into the song! Like we were in some trance or something! hah! Damn fun la! First time also seeing Oreal dance.. And my bro Rico is also a damn good dancer! The fella has the moves okey don't play play.. haha. GELEKING away only.. CHEY! EVERYONE really GELEKed the night away!

Mom & Dad[=

My Buddy Scott

Sister Sledge(missing Aunty Tash)

Da Guys

Da Girls

Godma[=

Mommy & Godpa

Uncle Ron & Godma(His big birthday bash is comin' up in April!)

My Cousin Germaine & I

Smile, though your heart is aching....... Smile, though your....*slap the face* eh SHUDDUP LA DEAN!

As Rico would say: "Styleos"

OH OH! Check out Rico boy on the way home! LOL!

We were waiting for cab

Magang Faces

haha! Rico Rico....

ANYWAY, once again I'd like mention that it was an AWESOME NIGHT and it was by far our best and most enjoyable night at Chevy's ever. Really. Thanks to all who made it happen.. Thank you Mommy, Daddy, Brandon, Godma, Uncle Den, Godpa, Uncle Ron, Uncle George, Aunty Taryn, Germaine, Rico, Oreal, Shannon, Scott(I THINK thats all, wait ah.....*thinks real hard with one eye closed*.. ya la I think thats all of em').. Yeahh. Thanks guys.. Thanks for making that night happen.. Thanks for being there.. I will never forget my 18th birthday thanks to all of you. And I must say words can't express how much I wanna thank y'all man.. Love y'all to bits.. Know that..

Anyway, met Erika last thursday. Met her and her friend Rachel outside SAC then we went for lunch at MacDonald's tampines.. Then had BUBBLE TEA [=

Erika and her wittle fwen Rachel..

Bubble Tea makes people happy[=

Damn bright balls

Camera oh camera

So came about 4 something, Erika's friend had to leave to meet another friend. Didn't know what else to do, so took her to Sculpture Park in Sengkang. She's never been to my area before, and since we had to find something to do, I could only think of that..

Erika can fit into her school bag! haha!

So then she had to go for mass that eveing so came around 5 something or so, sent her home..

The lift's lighting ain't that bad, but ain't that great either. hehh

Tampines... Reaching her house..

Then when i left her, there was this black cat. . . Jet black as hell this fella..

See..

Waiting for the blessed 291 to the interchange

And still waiting..

And then it finally came.. hehh.

Ohh well, I think this is by far my longest blog I've done so far. Hehh. Oh well, I just have many many many thoughts.. Some I can get down to and well, some that I just can't.. For my sake, and also mostly for other's sake. Yeahh.. Anyway, I gotta go now so, till my next entry....

Ta..

Ohh, and for the one reading this, the one who "claims" I'm his best friend.Yeah you know damn well who you are. Well, my mom and brother told me what happened when they called to invite you that night to my birthday. You know, you could've just said you didn't wanna come, if you had the balls to do so la. Seems like you didn't. Instead, you got your dad to do your dirty work for you from what my mom and brother told me. First you come out with your dad not allowing you cuz you're underaged all, BALLs la I tell you now, Balls. As for me, I have no fucking comment as to what I heard. But next time, just have the balls.. Cuz' you're "supposed" to be a big boy already. Right.. THEN... Then, I'll know where I stand. In fact, I think I already damn well do.

2008-03-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

-Don't wanna' get over-

-------- ------ -------- --------- -------- ----------

DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY! Whatta day! Laughed and Laughed till' stomach pain! LOL! Sunday night I stayed over at Godma's place. Then the next morning(day before yesterday), had to wake up early for my dental.. Went for tightening and all that shit la. Uncle Den sent me[: THEN! We got back to Godma's place! Aunty Tasha was talking to godma on the phone and said she was coming over[: Then Mommy and Aunty Taryn also called and said they were coming over for lunch! Chabuting from work! So we were all excited as exciting people were coming! Wohoo! haha! So first, Mommy & Aunty Taryn came. AFTER lunch THEN only Aunty Tasha came.. And it was a whole day of laughing our asses off as we went through ALL of Godma's old photographs! Especially the old party days! Damn fun last time. They still are lah! Gila as hell these jambu jets!Intensly staring....at the younger days[:

Aunty Taryn's on the floor in white, then Aunty Tash and Godma on the Cleopatra couch, then me and uncle Den on the floor on the right.

These were like only 5% of ALL the photos! There are MORE!

GOSSIPING! Favourite! "Eh y'all heard! That one went out with this one! Ah, y'all dunno right? Bloody bitch that one know." Haha! TYPICAL! All kinds of stories got...

Then, it was time for mommy & aunty Taryn to go back to work for awhile, and then come back again after work. At the door, they were discussing about.........................uhmm.......what ah?? OHH! Z.A. Compact powder I think! They were laughing at Aunty Taryn because since all of them use Shade 33, she was supposed to get shade 33 as well, but instead she went to ask the salesgirl for shade 11! Haha. And apparently there's no such shade! haha! so everybody stared when they heard "shade 11". Dunno la they...Something like that...

The ZA meeting/prosecution

Alright, back in da house for more pictures people..

GODMA!!!

LOL! Aunty Tash attempted some Kungfu thing, Kelly went with the TWIS, and Godma was just too tall for this shot!

Laughing too hard!

AGAIN laughing too hard! Just before the camera flashed Aunty Tash couldn't tahan SHE WENT RIGHT DOWN! LOL!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ! !

You know something?

Waiting for din din! Tonight's main course: Curry Devil!

Ohh wait! Here's some of the old photos we found from my Godma's MODELLING DAYS!

Runway. . .

Dunno where this is, but she was on assignment(shoot) I think.

Damn long legs ah Godma. . .?? haha

CATLike

HERE's RANDOMS FROM GODMA'S WEDDING!

Brandon(on uncle Den's lap), Uncle Den(Groom), Uncle Sheldon(Best Man) & ME(on Uncle Sheldon's back). haha! We were such small page boys ah Bran?
Aunty Janelle(Maid of honour), Godma(Bride), Crystal & Nadiya(Flower girls).
The Entourage

(so far, my godma is the ONLY one we've seen with a miniskirt wedding gown. Unique...)

GETTING READY....

Hot Rollers! haha!

Godma & Godpa

(One's a model, one's a hairstylist[: Whatta bout' YOUR godparents?? huh?huh? *sticks out tongue*)

Godmother & Godson. Hehh! My hair was so long.

Nadiya! Me! Crystal!

My brother the Ring Bearer. Can see the bugga trying to control the smile! LOL!

Walking outta' Church.

There's alot more of the pictures(ALBUMS & ALBUMS!) but I can't possibly put all of em' in here. hehh!

So YEAhh.. that was one hellova Monday! haha..

Now let's go back to what happened BEFORE Monday shall we.. Well, I finally got down to cleaning my room last Saturday! hehh. Feels better being in that room of mine now. And you know why I cleaned it?? BECAUSE... Nobody asked me to.. Yes. My mom always nags at me to clean my room and the more she asks me to, the MORE I won't. So yeah, she hasn't grumbled at me for quite some time already so I finally got down to it. haha. But I do admit I can be stubborn at times. Alright, time for the BEFORE and AFTERS!

Before
After[=
Before
After[=
Before
After[=
Before (Godma's laptop & Mommy's MP3 charging)
After[=

Also last week while Godma and family was away in Malaysia, she left her house and keys with me cuz I had to water her plants and feed the cat. Meet Girl..

See Girl's eyes!

AND THE PLANTS I HAD TO WATER!

Yeahh.. Their lift area is lika' Safari! haha. But it's really nice. And these are excluding the plants in the house ah..
Yesterday I had dinner with Mommy, Godpa and Uncle Jude at Swensen's(Orchard) after they went shopping for Mommy's outfits for two big and formal upcoming anniversary celebrations! My bro and I gotta wear suits too and the first one's like on the 5th of April at the Meritus Mandarine.. Yeahh. Most of the family have their outfits already BUT WE DON't HAVE OUR SUITS YET! MAMPUS lidat! Anway, this was yesterday. . .

Sourdough 49's are awesome. It's what I order most of the time

Went home and played around with effects.. haha!

Dean's mole

My mole came out WHITE! lol!

Ohh well, Gotta go now. Gotta.... I also don't know yet.. But I gotta do something.. So till my next entry..

ta. . .

For Real

2008-03-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

I knew it. I'm falling deeper as it seems. I thought the less I see, the less I'd think. However, thats SO NOT IT. I can't keep thinking of you and you and yes, you. It's too painful. But sadly thats the way it is and how it'll be till' I don't know when. I see your face in front of me wherever I go and it might be dreamy, but it can get...............well.... haunting. Haunting in a sense that I know I'll never get to hold her in my arms as mine. How much I think, how much I care, how much I try, how much I just might Love even, it's..... it's all for nothing. As how it's always been with most people. But I don't think either one's to blame. For you can't bring the horse to the water if it doesn't wanna drink. Instead as you try and pull, you'll get one bloody back kick from it and you're gonna go flying and get hurt man. I know.

You know, you're like some goddess, you have power over me without even lifting a finger, you can ask me anything and I'd do it for you. But sadly, you don't know that. You don't know the extent of my feelings for you. I try to keep as low as I can, but it's cuz' i keep everything in, thats why I get heavy and feel crappy. I'm alone on this... again... And the irony of it all is that, we do have things in common. Some things in common. Some we already know, some we've yet to or are about to find out. Only time'll tell. There's danger, in the game, when the stakes are high. And I don't know if I'll ever find another girl like you,

For now you may be alone as you choose to, but IF you might ever have a change of heart(which I've been told is highly unlikely), I'm here waiting, for now. For I strongly feel you're worth every bit of the wait, and I guess I'm willing to,for now. I've fallen and it's so difficult to get out of "it" already, for i fall deeper every minute, through this quick sand feelings. I have to break my heart, for every gain. And to taste the sweet, I have to face the pain. Right? But wait... I've always faced the pain and when somebody's heart get's broken, usually it's mine. So where the hell's the sweet and the gain? Is my life going to be this...................whats the word?.....Pathetic? They say this'll make me stronger and my heart may grow numb. Balls la, it wouldv'e happened long ago if I wasn't that sensitive and reflective and nervy and.......soft. My major downfall that can maybe never be exorcised. The stigma of it is stuck forever, as I notice people still having alternative thoughts of me and slowly backing off. It's sickening and pain. Especially when I'm forced to dwell. And hell nobody's gonna understand, for it's plastic out there as Mommy once said. Plastic!

Anyway, moving on from this "typical me" topic already. The other day, Aunty Lina gave my mother these really really old grey and white photographs and we almost went into tears when we saw them but it did make us smile. I kept looking at them... My grandparents..

Papa & Nana. God I miss you two so much. Mommy's face is a PHOTOCOPY of Nana's face! And Papa and Nana were so skinny in this picture. From before. I think this photo was taken either at the end of the 1940's or the beginning of the 1950's. When my mom was born. I would give ANYTHING to be able to see how my grandparents used to do the Rock 'n' Roll at their big house parties! The way I heard about it makes my hair stand! I heard there'd be lifting in the air and fast spins! I heard Nana would be thrown in the air and she'd land in Papa's arms in one position! There'd be flips and Nana would slide in between Papa's legs and she'd be PULLED OUT THE OTHER SIDE! WALAU! I wanna' learn their rock 'n' roll! Nowadays at parties you don't get to see these awesome dances anymore. The one's that know how to do it are either too old already or they've died. *sigh* And WOW! They REALLY dressed up back then. With Suits and Gowns all. Everything was so grand. Oh well, Nana would always say "oh done oh, those good old days can never come back". Then she'd think about Papa and tear. But now they're together up there Rock 'n' Rolling once again! Aunty Doris as usual making her face. Then Aunty Lina in the middle, Then my Nana & Papa. Nana was sucha petite gal, she looks so "small girl" here, which makes Papa look like one cradle snatcher! hehh. Sorrayy! And Papa as usual in the back, annoying her, putting his hand on her mouth. Can you see Nana's eyebrows? I bet you she's laughing! haha! I can imagine her saying "oh get out la swine bloody bastard!" as that shot was taken while she was trying push Papa's hand away! LOL! Typical...

Rest in Peace.

Alright before my mascara starts to run.......................... let's see what i mostly did this week... Well, I still remember that tea time was awesome last Sunday! haha! Oh well, we're always at my Nana's place on Sundays so yeah there's always nice tea times but this last Sunday's one was yummy! We had Sugi cake and Brownies and Tarts and all! mmmm... See See....

Told ya so...

Brownies!

From The Philippines

Then, I was annoying my godma at one part of the day while she was talking on the phone. We were freakin' synchronized okeyyy.... LOL! Just watch..

LOL! See the face!

Chey Chey!

CHEY!
Brandon & I irritating her before we left Nana's place that Sunday evening. haha! priceless reactions!

The closest bros you'll ever find
Sarah, now I know where you get your "TWIS"/Peace sign poses from!LOL!
Hackyl & Jackyl

We were bored waiting for the bus I tell you!

To smoke or Not to smoke. . . It was his last stick la balls. . .

Well, yeah that was Sunday.

Monday was a day I don't think I'll forget for some reasons that I can't mention just yet. But yeah, I don't think it has to do with anyone but me. I was absurdly emotional that night as "some" of you would know...Then Tuesday morning, Godma & family left for Malaysia. So she left her keys and the whole house to me! haha! Cuz I had to feed her cat and water the plants and all. Not funny ah. BUT BEFORE THAT, I was 'lured' by Kurt & Mel to their house for their 'private party'. I didn't want to at first cuz I had lots to do that day but Mel was like "If you don't have at least 2 drinks with me, then you ain't my Bestie no more". Basket, I ended up having MORE than 2 drinks there and I got STUCK! Red Bull & Vodka is nice though I must say. hehh! That was a day to remember as well cuz' I ended up talking nonsense! I ended up saying things like "I need to feed the plants & water the cat!" And so, Kurt and Mel MADE me sleep.So Kurt and my bro took the keys from me and did my chores for me at my godma's place and when I got up, I went to meet them. And after that, I headed down to ROMP at Zouk. I went to meet Sarah and gang outside first and boy did we QUE BALLS! I think we didn't get in till' like MIDNIGHT! That was the horrible part about it. The lining up to get it. It was so packed! My chest and bum were up against others before I could get in! And it was so humid too! But everything became better when I finally got in I guess. Dancing! [= Sarah and Stefan Disappeared for awhile though.. so I danced mostly with Jackiee and all.. Rico and other friends were there too... It was his birthday(12th). We all had fun la. We all were like "make a circle! make a circle!" throughout the night and everyone would have to go in the centre and do something! SO SHY I didn't know what the hell to do! haha! Oh well, I hope my Birthday'll be as enjoyable. Won't be THAT enjoyable la cuz I know someone won't come, but still, I gotta try and make the best of it. Anyway, I left Zouk with my bro at about 3:30am. Poorthing he waited outside till the end. haha! Ofcourse I was in and out of Zouk la talking to him awhile then going back inside. The minute we stepped into the taxi and told the uncle "Sengkang please", the song "Sarah" started to play on the radio! haha! Brandon looked at me in an instant and I turned to him as well! It was SO at the same time! Like it was choreographed! haha! okayy but only certain people would know why that happened ah... I shan't say. But it was a funny moment. Then when the song ended, the next song was "Angel's Brought Me Here". WALAU! haha. Brandon and I LOOKED at each other AGAIN the same way! LOL! Most of the songs I like to sing played on the way home that night so I won't forget that taxi ride... hehh. Dj Dj there you go.. This was when I got home. . .

OHH AND. . . .

Happy Birthday again bro!

Anyway, yesterday night I went to Sabrina's(Germaine's KC friend) birthday chalet thing in Pasir Ris. It was supposed to be some RUNWAY thing like she wanted so we had to dress up for the party. Wasn't that much of a party though. Left at about 11:40pm with Kurt.

See how ulu the chalet area was. and only one blessed bus 403......

Lucky we caught the last bus out balls. Dunno what the hell would've been following us if we WALKED out basket!

Oh well, it's already Friday and Godma and all aren't back yet. I miss them. And that also means I have to come back here again tmr to feed the plants and water the cat.. EH! Feed the cat and water the plants! I'm still sane ah..

Alright then, gotta go now. Gotta go home. Till my next entry. . . . .